Off Course
by kruemi
Summary: This is my interpretation of what happened in Another Woman up to Michaela and Sully's reunion in The Abduction.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the characters who act in this story; I only borrowed them from Beth Sullivan, CBS and whoever else is holding the rights on them.

_I didn't create a new plot for this story. I start with Michaela and Catherine in the scene outside of the clinic in Another Woman and go through the episodes (in the logical order) up to Michaela and Sully jumping down from the cliff in The Abduction. I want to explore everyone's thoughts and feelings, add some scenes but will never change the story that was told on the show. As to the logical order: Orphan Train and Buffalo Soldiers don't fit between Another Woman and Luck of the Draw – for several reasons. One of them is that Michaela and Sully's argument in the examination room in Orphan Train (Michaela: "How dare you ask me that! You, who told me that you are not ready to love anyone…") doesn't make sense after they declared their love for each other in Where the Heart Is._

**Off Course**

By Kruemi

"I stay with him."

Catherine's eyes shone with confidence as she laid her hand on her chest, indicating her love for the man who had been there for her whenever she had needed him. Sully understood her in a way no one else did. They spoke the same language in every sense of the word. He had even helped her to open the securely closed box of far away memories. With him at her side it didn't hurt like she had feared. He had been through ordeals similar to hers and was a stranger in the white man's world, just like her. She could tell and he had affirmed it; they were the same. They had even grown up in the same place, beside the ocean.

And there was more. When she had kissed him, he hadn't rejected her. Yet even more importantly, he had accepted her gift later that day and given her his necklace in return. The all deciding fact though was that he had agreed to protect her. It had felt good to be in a strong man's arms again. His embrace had been warm and welcoming. She had found her new family; she didn't need an old one.

When Catherine turned and entered the clinic, she felt as if a burden had been taken from her shoulders: she was glad that Dr. Mike knew now that she and Sully were connected in a very special and close way. Of course Catherine had noticed that there was a bond between the doctor and Sully, too. After all, he came to the homestead as if he belonged there. However, she had concluded that the two of them were nothing but close friends. It wasn't just that she had never seen them kissing or holding hands. Sully called the other woman 'Dr. Mike', even in private, not 'Michaela' like Mrs. Jennings did or even Hank, the barkeeper from across the street. This much she still remembered from her former life; people in love used their first names when they talked to each other. However, the doctor was informed now which meant that as soon as she, Catherine, met Sully again, they could start making plans.

As the young woman shut the door behind herself, Michaela was still trying to digest what she'd just seen and heard. One thought was especially disturbing: What made Catherine think that Sully would want her to stay with him? The way the young woman had announced it suggested he certainly would.

Michaela didn't have time to mull over this further because now Brian was approaching her.

"Ma?"

"Hmm?" Making this small sound Michaela turned towards her son, trying in vain to focus on him.

The boy's knees were shaking. The hope the telegram had given him was shattered as quickly as it had risen when he heard Miss Catherine say that she would stay with Sully. Yet as upset as he was about that, Dr. Mike sitting motionless on the bench staring into space, frightened him even more.

"What's the matter?" he asked tentatively, sitting down next to the woman he considered his mother, his eyes never leaving her face.

Still dumbfounded, Michaela just managed to reply, "I'm not quite sure, Brian."

Knowing how he felt about Sully and _her _together, he assumed it was even worse for his Ma.

"Ya mad 'cause she's staying?" he dared to ask, looking at the door through which Miss Catherine had just vanished.

"It concerns me in a way," Michaela nodded, absentmindedly following Brian's gaze; she was still trying to collect her thoughts. If she had been thinking clearly, she would never have discussed this subject with her son.

Yet the nine-year-old was glad that he could finally share the worries which he had kept to himself for far too long already. "Me, too," he confessed. Once he started speaking, he couldn't stop the following words from coming out as well, "Ever since…" Looking up at Dr. Mike's face though, he hesitated.

"Ever since what?" she gently encouraged him to go on, finally concentrating on him.

Brian looked away for a moment trying to gather enough courage so as to be able to tell her.

"Well," he began at last, turning his gaze back. Yet seeing her expectant expression he couldn't bring himself to continue, knowing it would hurt her. Shaking his head, he quickly murmured, "Nothing."

But Michaela, thankful for the distraction, hoped she might finally find out why her son had barely spoken since their conversation at the clinic the day before.

"Tell me," she tenderly coaxed him.

Brian let out a long breath, knowing she wouldn't let him off the hook now.

"Ever since I saw… Sully and her," he admitted at last, barely able to look at Dr. Mike.

Michaela had no idea what could have upset her son so much. She bent forward, trying to hold Brian's gaze, wondering, "What were they doing?"

The boy had desperately hoped he wouldn't have to say it yet since his Ma was asking him so directly, he had no choice.

Anxiously he watched her face as he revealed, "Kissing."

It took only a split second until this simple word sank in, turning into a knife that plunged into her unprotected heart. The air around her seemed to solidify, making it almost impossible to breathe.

Brian felt terrible; he had never seen Dr. Mike so hurt. "I didn't wanna tell ya," he said, disappointed with himself that he hadn't been able to keep this secret.

Michaela exhaled sharply; knowing she wasn't the only one affected.

"It's quite alright, Brian." She laid her arm reassuringly around his shoulder, rubbing it gently.

Brian, however, was close to tears now. Everything he had dreamed of for a new family seemed suddenly to go up in smoke.

"I'm so mad at Sully," he admitted.

Michaela knew how attached Brian was to Sully and she couldn't allow her son to suffer because of problems between the adults.

"Well," she tried to sound convincing, "What ever happened, it's between Sully and me."

With her hand still on his shoulder she looked into his eyes, wanting him to see that he didn't have to fear being separated from the man who had always been his hero, "He's a good man and he's still your friend."

Yet they couldn't hold each others gazes any longer, both being too caught up in their own troubled thoughts. While Brian continued worrying if things could ever work out if Sully lived with Catherine, Michaela's mind started functioning again. The scene from yesterday when Brian had harshly refused to go with Sully to the reservation suddenly appeared before her eyes. One minute the boy had eagerly agreed to take the water pitcher to Catherine's room and the next he had wished she would leave.

The air on Michaela's chest grew heavy again but in addition to the pain, anger arose as she realized that Sully and Catherine had been kissing in the room right above her.

…………………………………………………………………………

It took every bit of Michaela's willpower to concentrate on her work that day. As long as she was busy with a patient she was able to focus on the task at hand. Yet as soon as she was alone, if only for a few minutes, she couldn't stop thinking about what Brian had told her. While struggling to comprehend the situation, she tried in vain to fight images that appeared before her eyes and showed Sully and Catherine kissing. Alternating between hoping that Brian had misinterpreted what he had seen and knowing that this wasn't the case, her irritation grew.

Actually, the more she thought about it the more certain she was that it was true: the man who was courting her had kissed another woman. Catherine's expression when she announced she would stay with Sully made sense now.

As she realized that, Michaela needed to sit down for her knees suddenly buckled.

In an attempt to steady her nerves, she began to tidy her desk yet her trembling fingers refused to hold the files she wanted to put into the drawer. As one of them slipped onto the floor, she sank against the back of her chair, giving up on trying to distract herself. She had to find a way to get her emotions under control. The only method she knew was to analyze the situation and then take the necessary steps. And of course she had to talk to Sully. No matter how much it would hurt, it was better to know than be kept in the dark.

However, a glance at the clock on the wall told her it was already quite late. Maybe she'd already missed supper, but for once she didn't mind.

Fortunately Bear didn't need much guidance on the familiar way home. Michaela simply held the reins, letting the horse trot on at its own lazy pace. She wasn't ready to face Sully yet; first she had to come to terms with the news she had learned today.

Why hadn't she seen this coming? She immediately knew the answer: because it had never occurred to her that Sully would turn to another woman. Not because she thought herself irresistible, she rather felt the contrary, but they had declared their love for each other. He had offered his heart to her and she had given him hers in return. From this moment on, knowing Sully's character, she had trusted him without thinking. Even when he had watched Catherine changing behind the folding screen she was stupid enough to think nothing of it. Seeing his eyes light up as the other woman stepped out in the skillfully made Indian dress which he had brought for her, she had merely suddenly understood why her mother was always quite upset when her father's head had turned to look at a beautiful woman. Yet Sully had gone farther; he had kissed Catherine.

Only thinking the words sent a chill through her veins, making her tremble again. Softly, she pulled on the reins. "Whoa," she ordered Bear to halt in his tracks. Being in this state, she couldn't possibly face her children. She didn't want them to worry about her.

Straightening in her seat, she took in a few deep breaths. So, what else did she know? Sully had told Catherine that they were both the same. The same. Michaela remembered the beginning of their courtship, when she and Sully had feared they didn't have enough in common. It had taken Sully almost a year before he opened up to her. She always believed it was because he was still grieving for Abigail but it might have been much simpler: she wasn't the right woman for him. He needed to get used to her. He hadn't needed time to feel drawn to Catherine however, for she had lived with the Indians like he had. Yet she herself didn't know anything about Indian rituals, especially not when it came to the relationship between a man and a woman. She had learned that when Cloud Dancing was about to take a second wife.

Remembering that, a new thought crossed her mind, startling her more than all the others already had. Not only had Sully been married before but Catherine had as well. Was this as important for them as their having lived with the Indians? Men had certain needs, especially once they'd been married. Her mother had told her so but she knew that as a doctor as well. It still frightened her that Sully always wanted to touch and kiss.

She had barely finished that thought when the ugly creature called _Doubt_ awoke, beginning its work, poisoning her thoughts. She knew close to nothing about Sully's life. Not only about his current one, for he still came and went as he pleased, but about his days after Abigail's death, too. She had only learned that he lived as a part of the Cheyenne community. What did that mean? Did he have a relationship with a woman during this time? Maybe he even still had one when she had arrived in Colorado Springs and perhaps that was why he hadn't been free to be more than a friend initially. Michaela vividly remembered that moment on the bridge and her disappointment when he had told her he wasn't ready yet to share more than friendship with her.

However, there was no use brooding over this further. She needed the answers from Sully, even if it meant finding out things she wouldn't like. Brian being so upset had shown her that she and Sully weren't the only ones affected by this affair, and there was no way that she would allow anyone, including Sully, to hurt her children.

Determined now to find out what was going on between Sully and Catherine, and what that meant for her and Sully, Michaela flicked the reins, urging the horse into a pace that was still safe but fast enough for her to get home quickly. She only hoped to find Sully there, having supper with her family. As always, she would just have to wait and see. Usually, this didn't bother her but tonight that thought upset her.

She held onto her anger which had started to boil at the realization that she had no idea where and when she would be able to meet him if he wasn't at the homestead.

Being angry she didn't feel the hurt so much.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sully straightened in his chair when he heard the wagon arrive in the yard. They had just finished supper and everything appeared to be normal. Catherine was eager to learn how to make biscuits and Colleen was willingly explaining it to her. Grinning at each other now and then, he and Matthew had simply listened whilst they were eating. Only Brian was unusually quiet as he had been all day. Yet every time his sister asked him, he insisted that he was fine and just had a headache.

However, as Colleen rose to her feet, starting to clear the table, Catherine followed suit, determined to help. In order to cheer up his little brother, Matthew suggested a game of checkers and when Brian agreed, Sully decided to go out and see what was taking Michaela so long.

As he entered the barn, she had just led Bear to the place where he would spend the night.

"Evenin'," Sully said, "We already finished supper."

He could tell that Michaela was worked up when she deliberately avoided his eyes and only replied, "That's alright."

Probably another hard day at the clinic, he decided. She would tell him if she wanted to. Casually picking up a piece of straw from the haystack and fiddling with it, he followed her out of the backdoor of the barn towards the wagon that she had left there earlier, not knowing that in two more minutes, their whole relationship would be messed up. He hadn't even recognized it then.

Michaela couldn't believe that Sully was acting as if everything was fine. Well, she knew that this wasn't the case and would confront him right away. Trying in vain to calm her racing heart she managed to make her voice sound non-committal as she started their conversation, "So, now Catherine is staying with you."

Sully was honestly surprised and told her so, "I don't know anything about that." Glancing up at him her voice betrayed that she didn't believe him as she responded, "I don't suppose you gave her your necklace either."

Irritated by the sarcasm he detected in her tone he explained, "She gave me one." As he touched it, Michaela glanced at the item hanging down his chest and Sully felt compelled to explain, "The Cheyenne believe that you return a gift with a gift."

Michaela didn't even ask why he was wearing a necklace made by another woman because she already knew that some other Indian custom would be the reason for it. She wondered for a split second if he would find it normal too if it were the other way around: her wearing the gift of another man. Yet she didn't bring up this question; being positive now that she was already out of the game. Shrugging lightly, she acknowledged this fact, "Well, if it's alright for the Cheyenne – who am I to argue?" She averted her eyes from him again.

The bitterness shining through wasn't lost on Sully. Bending forward he searched for her gaze and touched her upper arm so as to reassure her, "She's just bein' grateful; that's all."

But Michaela was beyond a state where she could be soothed with such an explanation because she knew there was more. That was why she instantly responded. Locking her eyes with him she challenged him, "And kissing her – is that gratitude as well?"

Momentarily stunned, Sully straightened. He should have seen that coming. Since he'd learned that Brian had seen Catherine and him, he was contemplating how to react if Michaela found out too. In the end he had decided not to make it bigger than it was. Yes, he had kissed Catherine but it was a decision of the moment, not of his heart. He knew Michaela would be angry about that but in his opinion she had no reason to doubt his love for her.

However, there was something in her tone which made him sense that he wouldn't get away so easily. Thus he put all his power of conviction into his voice in an attempt to make her hear that he was being absolutely honest when he at last replied, "I never meant for that to happen."

The still lingering, tiny hope that Brian had misjudged what he had seen was dashed by this response. There was no reason for Michaela to hold back her pent-up emotions any longer. Setting them free, her tone was purely accusatory, "In front of the children! How could you?"

This was the last reply he had expected. Not prepared for it Sully used the first argument that came to his mind, "I didn't know that Brian was there!"

If Michaela had taken the time to analyze these words they would have caused yet another pang. She would have concluded that, contrary to his former assurance, he knew very well what he was doing otherwise there wouldn't be any need to hide his actions.

However, she wasn't interested in excuses anyway but immediately went on, "Catherine is in love with you; she didn't even know about us! Why didn't you tell her?"

Growing defensive in response to her angry tone, Sully shot back, "Why didn't you?"

Taken aback, Michaela just stared at him for a second. Did he really think it was her task to set the woman straight when she had proudly presented his gift? After he had told her that they were the same? She couldn't believe that Sully was making it her fault that Catherine thought her future was with him.

Incredulously, she raised her voice, "Now you're turning it around! I'm the one…"

Yet Sully cut her short. Spending time with Catherine had reminded him how pleasant and easy the company of a woman could be. Losing his temper as well he shifted, trying to hold her gaze when he blurted out his frustration, "_You_ are the one who has never time to spend with _me_. Who's always too nervous to be alone with _me_, to kiss _me_!"

He didn't succeed in keeping their eyes locked because she was looking down at the ground now. Without knowing it, he had affirmed Michaela's conclusion from earlier that she wasn't the right partner for him. Thinking that he at least owed her confirmation that he had found someone else, she lifted her head again, declaring, "You want to be with another woman - then admit it."

Letting out an angry snort Sully turned away from her; she was actually twisting his words! His expression showed his irritation when he faced her again, "I never said that!"

He was oblivious to the fact that she simply didn't believe him anymore. And when she went on, "But you find her attractive!" his response, "Any man would," didn't improve the situation.

Although it felt as if her heart had become a block of ice on hearing his admission, it beat frantically against her ribs when she at last asked directly, "Are you in love with her?"

Sully's incredulous reply came instantly, "Of course not!"

He couldn't believe that they were having such an argument again. After her unfounded suspicions of him having feelings for Dorothy, he had thought that they were through with this nonsense.

Yet Michaela wasn't done yet; she only took another approach as she stated, "But you care for her."

Not even bothering to hide his annoyance, Sully averted his eyes for a moment by looking up at the dark sky. She wanted to hear it? Fine, then he would say it, "Yes, I care for…"

Finally having her answer, Michaela interrupted him with her inference, "Then you have feelings for her!"

Now Sully lost the rest of his patience and yelled at her, "Stop putting words in my mouth! Stop assuming things!"

"My only problem is assuming that I'm the only one," she retorted, suddenly feeling strangely disconnected from the man across from her. Who was he? And again, the thought from earlier about him living with the Cheyenne plagued her, "Tell me Sully, how many others have there been before me?"

Taken by surprise he straightened his back. Lowering his tone considerably he wondered, not understanding where this question was coming from, "Why are you asking me that now?"

Michaela, however, was determined to get her answer as she simply stated, "I want to know. Have you been with another woman since Abigail died? I want the truth."

Yet Sully refused to get into this, thinking he finally knew what this argument was about. Thus he coolly replied, barely hiding his disgust, "No, you don't." He had no intention of dealing with a jealous woman.

Turning, he left her standing there, not knowing that he had just destroyed what they had so carefully built together: their trust in each other.

Michaela stared at Sully's retreating figure. He was a stranger, leaving her standing there as if she wasn't worth another word**.** If she summarized their argument in a sober light then he had just told her that he had kissed another woman he cared for and found attractive. He had done it unintentionally but it wasn't her business since everything that had happened was her fault anyway.

This had to be a bad dream she would wake up from any minute.

………………………………………………………………………….


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When Michaela eventually entered the house a few minutes later, her expression didn't show the lightest sign of her inner turmoil. She was determined to keep her distress to herself and as a doctor she knew how to hide personal feelings. Yet after the children had welcomed her, Colleen almost put her off balance by asking innocently, "Dr. Mike, where's Sully?"

Michaela hesitated only for a fraction of a second before she said in an even tone, "He already left."

Puzzled because he usually wished them good night before he went to his lean-to, Colleen furrowed her brow yet decided to let it go. Shrugging, she turned back to her task with the dishes.

Her younger brother, however, wasn't astonished. Unlike the others, he had directed his attention to what he could hear from outside as soon as Sully had gone to join Dr. Mike. The boy was sure that he had heard raised voices, and he had a pretty good idea what the argument had been about. That was why he now anxiously looked at his Ma. Returning his gaze Michaela added in an attempt to reassure him, "You will see him tomorrow again."

Relieved, Brian nodded. Sully would come back and that was enough to make him feel better.

Yet Catherine, who was sitting at the table again, was disappointed. She had hoped Sully would accompany her to her room at the clinic tonight. She wanted to talk. Of course, she could still go and look for him at his particular places but for some reason she suddenly felt drained. Assuming Sully would be back in the morning, she decided to rather wait for him here. Since she really didn't want to leave, she dared to ask, "Dr. Mike?"

Michaela had just sat down across from their guest and was distracted by Colleen who gave her a plate with her supper. She smiled thankfully up at her daughter before she responded somewhat absentmindedly, "Yes, Catherine?"

"I was wondering…" The young woman hesitated and Michaela shifted so she could look at her. There was an inexplicable expression in the eyes of her vis-à-vis that silenced Catherine.

Seeing her patient growing insecure, Michaela switched to her doctor mode. After all, nothing of what had happened was Catherine's fault. "What is it?" Her tone indicated that she would listen to whatever the problem was.

Gaining some of her courage back, Catherine went on, "I wanted to ask if I can stay here tonight. I'm tired and …"

Michaela didn't need any more reasons and immediately assured her, "Of course; Colleen will sleep with me again and you…"

Yet Brian, who had followed the conversation and was still sitting with Matthew on his Ma's bed, chimed in, "I could sleep in the barn, Ma. Then my bed would be free."

Normally, Michaela wouldn't allow it. But when she looked at her son, holding his gaze for a moment, their mute conversation made her agree, "Alright, just this once."

She understood perfectly well why Brian didn't want to share the room with Catherine tonight. However, she couldn't afford to think of her own feelings right now. Thus she simply turned back to her meal and asked her children about their day.

It wasn't much later when the house fell quiet. The boys had gone to the barn, and from Colleen and their guest only sounds that accompanied slumber were to be heard. Changed into her nightgown, Michaela sat on the edge of her bed, her hands clutching the sideboard. Sleep seemed as far away as Boston, and the thought of her hometown shook her even deeper. The wooden walls of the small cabin suddenly seemed to close in on her and she followed her instinct to flee the room. Grasping her robe from the end of her bed, she quickly left the house.

Once outside on the porch, she slipped into her robe. Crossing her arms tightly before her chest, she bent her body forward as if bracing herself against a storm.

It was a clear, cold night yet Michaela didn't notice. Her heart was numb and with that the ability to feel anything had left her.

Although she considered this spot her home now, at the moment she felt strangely out of place. This sensation transported her back to her first days in Colorado Springs when no one but Charlotte had respected let alone welcomed her. Of course she had never shown or even admitted it, but sometimes loneliness had overwhelmed her in a way she had never known before. Adding to the still lingering pain caused by the loss of her father, had been the realization that there wasn't even a big sister in whom she could confide. She was alone. Her medical books and instruments were the only familiar things left after she had even had to say good bye to most of her dresses. They didn't fit her new life just like she didn't fit with the people in town. Although Sully had rented her his house, he too hadn't seemed to take her seriously in the beginning. She could tell that he had shared Chief Black Kettle's opinion that she was a crazy white woman.

And there she was at the core of her problem again. She had grown up in one of the wealthiest families of a big city and had studied books since she was able to read. Sully, however, had adopted the Indians' habits. All he needed was a few lean-to's splattered in the woods. Everything he knew he had learned from life itself and the Cheyenne. She was the complete opposite of him. Now Sully had met a woman with a background similar to his, a woman who obviously knew better than her how to make him happy.

Again she had to fight the image of Sully and Catherine kissing, only now his angry voice was added. He had practically yelled at her! A cold shudder ran through her, and Michaela grasped the edges of her robe, pulling it around her body even more tightly. It suddenly felt as if the knife's blade, still stuck in her heart, was being twisted around as she remembered his accusation of her not welcoming his caresses let alone returning them. Yet she simply couldn't offer more than she was already giving. It wasn't in her nature. Being angry with her because of that would be the same as if he were annoyed that she had brown hair instead of blonde. Of course David had kissed her too but only after they had been engaged to be married. And there was another difference: although she had loved David with all her heart, her pulse had never quickened the way it did when Sully touched her. She knew she could easily lose herself in his arms. She still couldn't risk that though; he hadn't even proposed to her yet.

Michaela had learned the hard way that if she didn't keep everything under control, she would fail in whatever she tried to accomplish. Her veneer of independence and strength carefully hid a vulnerability only Sully was allowed to see, and so he had learned about most of her self-doubts already. Now and then she had confided in Dorothy too, but just with matters she needed to discuss with a woman.

However, letting down her guard had proven, once again, to be a mistake. Sully knew of her insecurities when it came to their physical closeness, what he called "sparking." Using it against her, after he had kissed another woman, left Michaela feeling even more betrayed.

A creaking sound from inside of the house startled her. Had she woken anyone because she started pacing up and down the porch a few minutes ago? The last thing she wanted was for someone to join her, least of all Catherine.

When everything remained quiet, Michaela resumed her movements despite the cold seeping through the thin layers of fabric that covered her skin. She wasn't done thinking yet.

Even though she felt terrible doing so, for a moment Michaela allowed herself to bring Catherine into question. She knew that the young woman had just survived a terrible ordeal and for that she had all her sympathy. As a doctor, Michaela was very pleased to see her recovering so fast and of course she knew that Sully had played a big part in this. Yet she couldn't help but wonder how Catherine, who had just lost her husband, was already able to turn towards another man, even fall in love with him. It couldn't be because her life with the Indians had been unbearable or she would have embraced the opportunity to be back in the white man's world. Yet Catherine didn't even want to see the family in Baltimore who had been so happy that they had finally found her. What kind of woman…

At this point, Michaela called herself to order. After all, she had seen this way of dealing with a loss before: A young Cheyenne woman who had just become a widow didn't hesitate to agree when Cloud Dancing had asked her to marry him.

Shivering violently in the cold night air by now, Michaela knew she had to get back into the house. It was useless to brood further. She was tired and her thoughts were starting to wander in circles. She had three children and patients to care for in the morning and couldn't afford to be too tired to think clearly. Maybe she would ask Dorothy for advice in this muddled situation. Only one thing was for sure: her trust in Sully was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Michaela woke up earlier than usual the next morning. For a short moment she felt the strange, unsettling sensation that a bad dream sometimes left behind. Trying to remember what it was about, it all suddenly came back, hitting her: She had lost her safe haven. Her nightmare was starting with her being back in reality.

Curling up she clutched the pillow to her chest wishing she could forget the argument with Sully. They had been angry with each other before, but this time she wasn't sure if they would ever be able to reconcile. There had been something in his expression and words that still haunted her. She tried to grasp it and then she thought she knew: it was rather what she hadn't been able to detect: respect. Was it because he knew that she needed him more than he might ever need her? He now had a woman around that responded to him the way he liked. Michaela recalled a conversation she had once had with Snowbird: if she would share the man she loved. She remembered how she had looked over to where Sully stood and realized that if he accepted her, she would want him all for herself. This hadn't changed and never would.

Although Sully said he wasn't in love with Catherine, Michaela knew that this feeling could still start to grow; it was just lingering beneath the surface. The other woman was as free with her time as he was. Catherine could join Sully whenever he wanted her around.

Something about this last train of thought didn't sit right with Michaela and she rolled onto her back, leaving the pillow next to her. Staring at the ceiling she tried to pinpoint what it was and when she knew, she turned on her side again. She crossed her arms, pressing them tightly against her chest, bracing herself against the new wave of hurt that shot through her body. There was still one thing she was sure she knew about Sully: he would never kiss a woman if he didn't mean it. He _had_ feelings for Catherine.

As she felt the trickle of a tear running down her cheek she instantly caught herself. She wouldn't start feeling sorry for herself. Angrily wiping the moisture away, she slowly shifted and sat up. Taking in a long, slow breath she tried to calm her heart that thumped heavily against her ribs. She needed to get a grip on her feelings so she could act as normal as possible. Michaela knew she would manage eventually, she always had before. But right now, she wasn't able to face Catherine at the breakfast table. Deciding to see Dorothy before she opened the clinic, she stood up and dressed quietly. Both, Colleen and her patient were still sleeping and thus Michaela scribbled a short note for her daughter.

When she entered the barn, Brian stirred.

"Ma?"

She quickly went over to his makeshift bed on a thick layer of hay. Crouching down next to him she affectionately stroked his hair, "It's quite early, Brian. No need for you to get up already."

Still half asleep, the boy mumbled, "Can I go with Matthew today? He's buildin' a shelf for Ingrid and I wanna help."

Michaela only needed a second to contemplate this request. It would be good for Brian to be distracted and thus she agreed, "If it's alright with your brother, you may accompany him."

Smiling thankfully, Brian closed his eyes again and Michaela bent forward so she could give him a peck on his forehead.

She would always make sure that her children wouldn't suffer just because she was upset.

…………………………………………………………………………

After her two morning appointments were over, Michaela sat behind her desk in the examination room. She knew she had to transform the conclusion she had come to at the end of her conversation with Dorothy into a decision. Only then could she start fighting the hurt that still coursed through her body with every beat of her heart.

Her friend however, hadn't offered comfort let alone a solution. On the contrary, when Michaela told her that Sully was fond of Catherine, Dorothy had actually smiled and just commented that a pretty girl always turned a man's head. Her advice to be thankful that Sully was at least honest with her had disturbed Michaela even more. How could she think it was alright for the man she loved to tell her he cared for another woman, for him to compare them and even accuse her of not having similar qualities?

Maybe her picture of love as something pure, simple and true was only an illusion, but she wanted it either this way or not at all. As much as her love for Sully had enriched her life since they'd started courting, she realised now how vulnerable she'd grown in this process. She had allowed him to pull down wall after wall that she'd built around her heart in order to protect it. Shielding herself was essential; only by appearing strong and determined, unaffected by rudeness and hostility, had she been able to survive in a merciless world that was ruled by men.

She had had her guard down when Sully's coldness hit her out of the blue last night. Every time she remembered that last look that spoke of his dislike for her at that moment, she felt a strange sensation inside of her chest which made it difficult to breathe. All she knew was that she couldn't go on this way. Being as distressed as she was it was only a matter of time until she made a mistake as a doctor or missed one of her children's problems again. She needed to remember the good things that were still left in her life.

Straightening in her chair, her gaze fell onto the photograph that had been taken after her graduation. Despite all oppositions, she had accomplished her dream of becoming a doctor. No one could take that away from her. She had her own clinic and enough regular, paying patients to be able to provide for her family. _Her_ family. She was a mother, too. This was already much more than she had ever hoped for. Maybe she simply wasn't destined to be a wife. Although it was out of her character to give up hope, at this moment she did. She knew how to erect walls to protect herself; she had done it all her life. Her patients needed all her power and attention and so did the children. Far too often her daughter and sons had had to look after themselves, so she resolved to spend more time with them again.

At this point, Michaela directed her gaze to the clock on the wall. Still three hours until lunch and no appointments for the rest of the day meant she could go home and help ease Colleen's daily burden of chores. Since people knew where to find her in case of an emergency there was no reason she couldn't leave now.

When Michaela arrived at the homestead, Colleen was doing the laundry in front of the house. Her friend Becky was there too, rinsing the pieces of clothing which Colleen had just washed. As soon as all chores were done, the girls wanted to go to town and meet some of the other kids.

"Dr. Mike!" Colleen was surprised to see her home. "You are early," she commented, smiling widely whilst she continued scrubbing one of Matthew's shirts.

"Yes," replied Michaela, dismounting from Flash, "I thought I'd help you out a bit with the chores."

"Oh," Colleen glanced at her friend and her voice was full of hope when she explained to her mother, "Becky came over and helped so everything is already done… apart from the washing here."

Michaela recognized the mute wish in her daughter's tone and suggested, "What would you say if I take over and you two can leave and do whatever you have planned?"

Colleen's squeal was followed by a wet hug for Michaela, "Thank you, Dr. Mike! I'll be back in time to help prepare lunch…"

Her daughter's happiness made Michaela forget her worries for a moment. Smiling now as well, she wiped on the moisture on her blouse, "I have a better idea. I'll give you some money so you and Becky can have lunch at Grace's. Your brothers aren't here anyway and I might come back to town later, too."

Colleen thanked her for this suggestion with another hug and Michaela added, chuckling now, "How about we both go inside and change?"

For some reason Michaela hadn't expected to see the other woman here, sitting at her table. Being confronted with her troubled thoughts again, Michaela tensed up yet no one noticed. Catherine was merely surprised, too. Colleen had told her that the doctor would only be back when the sun assume its highest position in the sky. Thus she had started working on a white cloth, embroidering it with stitches Colleen had shown her. The girl had told her that this was what women did in the white man's world apart from cooking, washing and keeping the house clean. In Catherine's opinion, living in a teepee was much easier but she wanted to learn everything for her new life. She hadn't dared to join the girls in the yard though, fearing she would disturb their conversation and so she had busied herself with the fabric.

When the doctor greeted her, Catherine could tell that her smile was forced. Resuming her stitching, she wondered if she had done something wrong or if the sorrow from last night still plagued Dr. Mike. She had seen her pacing on the porch as she'd refilled her glass with water.

However, as Catherine looked up from her work the next time, she was alone in the room again. Yet she heard sounds from outside that told her that someone was in the yard. Deciding she could go on with decorating the fabric later, she rose to her feet and left the house through the open backdoor. Looking around, she saw Dr. Mike standing at a wooden tub, cleaning the clothes in a way she hadn't learnt yet.

Lost in her thoughts, Michaela hadn't heard Catherine approaching her. Thus she was surprised when she suddenly heard the young woman's voice, "Teach me."

When Michaela only glanced up at her but continued washing, Catherine explained, using her hands so as to emphasize her words, "I want to help."

Seeing Sully's necklace on the young woman, Michaela had a hard time controlling her emotions. She could feel that her smile was an awkward one when she assured her, "You don't have to."

She didn't know yet how determined Catherine was to fit in here. Not discouraged in the least, she went on to make sure that the doctor knew how much she appreciated her, too. "You are a good doctor." This statement made Michaela look up again. The expression on Catherine's face was sincere as she went on, "A good friend."

For the first time since their conversation on the bench at the clinic, the tension left Michaela's body when she returned Catherine's honest look. She suddenly felt ashamed of her behavior against her patient, reminding herself that nothing of what had happened was Catherine's fault. "Sometimes," she acknowledged, but she knew that she had almost failed this time. That was why she admitted softly and more to herself, "Sometimes I'm not so good."

How could she have allowed her personal feelings to get in the way of tending to someone in need? Determined to correct her mistake, Michaela looked her vis-à-vis straight in the eyes as she continued, "Catherine, I know you were frightened yesterday – about going back to Baltimore."

The young woman's face clouded over at this statement yet she affirmed it with a slight nod.

Michaela sighed, speaking from experience now, "And I know how difficult it is to go to a new place. But it was my hope that you could go there and fit in and be happy."

Michaela could see it in Catherine's expression that she was still terrified by this thought. That was why she offered the following, disregarding how much it would hurt her own feelings if she had possibly to see Sully and her together from now on.

"If you don't feel that you can, you are welcome to stay here."

Michaela knew that she had done the right thing as she watched Catherine's face light up. She couldn't help but be glad though when the young woman turned to go back into the house, leaving her alone with her troubled thoughts. Even though Sully had tried to blame it on her, Michaela was convinced that it wasn't her fault that Catherine believed she would have a better future here with Sully than with her family in Baltimore. As a doctor and maybe even a friend, Michaela was willing to do everything to help her patient find her way back to a happy life.

The rest was up to Sully.

…………………………………………….


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Michaela had barely turned back so as to continue rubbing the piece of undergarment along the washboard, when Catherine emerged from the inside of the house again. She had slipped a light cape over her new dress, ready to go and look for Sully. Usually, she would have waited patiently until he came to see her, but she was so excited that she needed to share the good news with him immediately. Quietly, she approached Dr. Mike who appeared to be deep in thoughts.

"I will go and tell Sully," Catherine informed the doctor, her eyes shining brightly.

Somewhat startled, Michaela flinched, giving the cloth in her hand an unintentionally forceful rub. Looking up she grew uncomfortable, seeing the anticipation on the young woman's face. Michaela had no idea where Sully might be, and that was why she returned her gaze to the tub, eventually conceding, "I'm sorry; I don't know where he is right now."

Eagerly gesturing with her hands towards her chest Catherine assured that there was no reason to worry, "I know where I will find him." They had passed a few of his places when he took her fishing a few days before. She nodded, affirming one last time before she turned and hurried from the yard.

Michaela stood frozen in place momentarily. Yet, her newly built protective shield already started working. The thought that she had only been allowed to see Sully's lean-to after he admitted his feelings for her was just a fleeting one. It didn't matter anymore. At least that was what she kept telling herself.

……………………………………………………..

Sully had roamed the woods all morning. He was still so angry with Michaela that he wasn't ready yet to face her. He hadn't expected that jealousy would blind her so much that she would start questioning him. She of all people should understand why he tried his best to help Catherine back into a world that was so different from the one she had lived in for many years! How could she expect him to not feel for a woman that had been through losing her family twice already in her young life? Catherine's outburst at the creek had shown him that she'd dearly loved her Indian people. His heart had gone out to her when she told him she wanted to go back to her tribe. It was horrible for him to tell her that it was gone for good.

He didn't even dare imagine the effect it would have on him if soldiers would wipe out Black Kettle's village. The Cheyenne gave and were still giving him the kind of security only a strong, loving family can offer. The ties of brotherhood between Cloud Dancing and him were as strong as if their veins actually carried the same blood. The medicine man hadn't only taught him to cherish everything Mother Earth had to provide for them but also how to live with each other. Sully had never had a male guide in his life before he met the Cheyenne. He was far too young when his father died, which meant he wasn't able to teach him anything about being a man.

Sully had formed his own rules by watching the men he met on his way out west and later when he had worked in the mines. The result of this kind of education was that he knew exactly how he didn't want to live his life. The only thing he was sure about was that he would have his own family one day. He wanted to do it right, and he had been twenty-four when he finally met the right woman. And still he had made a mistake, one that Cloud Dancing pointed out to him later: although he was a loving husband, he had allowed that stubbornness had separated Abigail from her family… Well, at least Loren was now talking to him again.

A twig snapping behind him made Sully halt in his tracks. Standing motionless he listened, but when no other unusual sound followed and Wolf stayed calm as well, he relaxed. Looking around he noticed that he was at one of his places at the creek. Since he was still worked up he thought it a good idea to sit down a bit. The sound of running water—but even more, watching it flow—always had a calming effect on him. He gestured for Wolf to stay close and lowered himself on the small bank.

After the short distraction by making the decision to stay here, Sully returned to his earlier train of thought. Of course the Cheyenne had rules as well, but what he appreciated most was the easy way they were around each other. Catherine came from this world, too. No stiffness, no false pretences. She welcomed the comfort he offered as naturally as he gave it, because she needed it. Just as she felt at home with him, it was easy to interact with her.

He had known that she wanted to kiss him when they were in her room at the clinic. Replaying the scene in his head, he acknowledged, only hesitantly though, he should have stopped her when she started touching him. But Catherine was so vulnerable at that moment that he simply didn't have the heart to reject her. His kissing her back was meant to show her that she'd found a kindred spirit indeed. He had pulled away in time though so she could realize this wasn't the kiss of a lover. He had thought she understood that.

For a moment he let his mind travel down a path that he would never take in reality: how it would be to share his life with Catherine. He would provide for her, protect her, and she would take care of his welfare in return. He would never have to worry that she doubted him. Her depending on him would make him feel like a good man. That's how marriages worked for the Cheyenne.

He had already had a similar life, with Abigail. It had been a good one. However, he was positive that he would never be able to get back there, not after he'd met a woman like Michaela. She was smart and strong, beautiful and stubborn. She challenged him almost every day. Without her, he would have never succeeded in freeing Cloud Dancing from Custer last year. The Cheyenne would already have lost much more lives if Michaela hadn't taken care of them, in addition to their medicine man. Thanks to her, the Cooper kids had a mother again.

He wouldn't give up on her, not even for more caresses or devotion another woman might offer.

Sometimes, his patience was wearing thin though; he just wished Michaela would finally relax when they were together. She should know by now that he would never go too far before they were married. Although they'd never talked about this step by addressing it directly, they both knew it was marriage they were heading for. He was still sure of that, despite their falling out last night.

Thinking about their argument, Sully remembered how it had started: Michaela confronted him with the fact that Catherine would stay with him. He hadn't expected her misinterpreting his actions. Growing nervous he picked up a dry stick that lay next to him. Absentmindedly, he patted his hand with it while he considered how to react when he saw Catherine the next time. Again he wished that Michaela had dealt with this problem right there and then when Catherine had announced her plan. Today, however, he was able to acknowledge that this was rather wishful thinking from his side than Michaela's task.

Actually, this time he didn't understand Catherine. In the contrary to him, she could get one of her families back…

Hearing someone approaching him from behind, Sully tensed up. Yet as he turned and realized that it was the woman he was thinking about right now, he began straightening to his feet, throwing the stick into the water. He wasn't even standing yet, when Catherine started to speak, her expression showing that she anticipated him to be as happy about the news as she was.

"I talked to Dr. Mike. She told me I can stay."

His thoughts from a minute ago still on his mind, Sully instantly asked though, "Don't you want to see your family?"

Yet Catherine was prepared for this reply and explained, "You are my family now."

Sully, however, didn't budge, not wanting to get into this, "You have real family. You should give them a chance."

It was as if Catherine didn't notice that her news wasn't met with enthusiasm. She rather made her intentions even clearer. Pressing her palm against her chest she locked her eyes with Sully, not concealing her love for him. "My heart," she began, closing the distance between them, "is with you."

As to underline her words, she laid her hand over his braid that hung down his chest. Following her gesture with his eyes, Sully at last covered her hand with his. He needed a moment to collect some courage for what he knew he had to do. He had no other choice but to be honest. "My heart," he eventually said with his voice slightly cracking as he pulled her hand away from him, looking her up and down, "is with Dr. Mike."

Sully hated to see the hope leaving her face, being dashed by his words.

Catherine turned her head away from his compassionate gaze so she could take the blow, maintaining her composure as she had learned it. Sully was the man so it was his decision. "Good woman," she at last uttered.

Sully had watched Catherine, devastated by the thought how much he had hurt her. Hearing her now even acknowledge Michaela made him feel only worse.

"Yes," he replied and wanted to add that she was a good woman, too. Yet he didn't, knowing it wouldn't help in the least. "I'm sorry," he assured her instead, and Catherine, looking at him again, knew that he meant it.

However, without Sully by her side, staying at this place didn't make sense. She would leave.

Sully wondered whether he would ever know enough about women so he could avoid situations like this. Not only had he made Michaela jealous and angry, but he had added to Catherine's pain. It had never been his intention to make her think they would spend the rest of their days together. All he'd wanted was her to know that she was welcome and could make a new start. Finding her family in Baltimore was the best way of doing so.

Catherine still held his gaze. Despite the words he had just told her, she clung to a tiny rest of hope that he would reconsider his choice. But he didn't. That was why she at last said, defeated now, "I will go back."

Sully wasn't sure if she was aware that her words held a double meaning but he still assured, "I'll take ya."

When Catherine gave a short nod in agreement and turned so as to leave this place, Sully swallowed hard. He felt incredibly guilty and was amazed how bravely Catherine took the punch he'd just given her.

They didn't talk on their way back to the homestead. Now and then, Catherine stopped. Knowing there weren't woods like these at the place where she'd grown up, she wanted to cherish the sight, the smell and sounds for a last time. Every time she halted in her tracks Sully, with Wolf on his heels, waited patiently till she was ready to continue. He knew what she was doing and it made him feel for her only more.

However, as they finally reached the homestead it was deserted. The tub before the house was still filled with water, and Sully recognized one of Michaela's skirts still in it. This could only mean that she had been called to an emergency. What should he do? He didn't think it right to leave Catherine all by herself right now yet there was no need for him to make the decision.

On the way back to the little house, Catherine didn't only say goodbye to the woods but contemplated what Sully had told her. She understood now why Dr. Mike had been so strained in the morning, and it made her appreciate the doctor's offer to stay only more. Not wanting to cause more discomfort for her though, Catherine realized she shouldn't spend the night here again. If she had to leave, she wanted to do it as soon as possible. Thus she eventually turned to Sully, asking for his help a last time. "I'd like to go to town."

She expectantly looked at him. Understanding her mute wish, he instantly assured, "I'll talk to Horace 'bout your ticket."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next morning was a sunny one. Wolf lay on the porch of the mercantile, his head on his paws, watching lazily as everyone hurried around loading things onto the vehicle before him. His master had just put something up there too but was now out of sight. The animal didn't budge though; he would know when it was necessary to move.

Michaela looked tired as she stepped towards Catherine. She'd returned to the homestead late at night after assisting at a difficult delivery. She had had to proceed to a Caesarian and had only left the young family when she was sure that mother and child were well enough to be left in the care of the concerned husband. Colleen had heard her arriving. She had gotten up again in order to tell her Ma the news about Catherine leaving and that she was sleeping at the clinic. Knowing that Dr. Mike would consider making sure that the young woman was alright in town, the astute daughter promised that there was no need to worry. Her patient was fine, the ticket on tomorrow's stagecoach was booked and the bag packed.

Too exhausted from a long working day and strained nerves, Michaela had eventually conceded and gone to bed, making a mental note that she needed to write a patient's report for her colleague in Baltimore first thing in the morning.

Having just finished it in time a few minutes ago, she offered the papers, secured in a big brown envelope, to Catherine who was waiting at the stagecoach, directing her gaze from Sully to her now. Michaela's voice didn't give any of her emotions away but was soft when she explained the content of the document.

"I've written a letter regarding my medical findings. I want you to give this to a doctor when you get there."

Seeing the anguish on the young woman's face, Michaela tried an assuring smile when she said, "Good bye, Catherine." She even closed the distance between them as to give her a short but friendly hug, adding, "Good luck."

Although the doctor was the reason that she had to leave, Catherine was sincere when she replied, "Thank you, Dr. Mike. For everything."

Feeling the awkwardness of the situation growing, Michaela's smile faded as she stepped back to join her children that were watching the scene.

Catherine, however, turned towards Sully who held the stagecoach door open for her. For a moment they just looked at each other, knowing that this was their final goodbye. Catherine felt she didn't have the right to continue wearing his necklace since his love belonged to another woman. As she started to take off his gift, Sully stopped her though. Gently laying his hand over hers, he told her, "No. You keep it. Remember me."

Hearing his words, Michaela shifted so she could watch Sully and Catherine, having never seen them talking so privately before. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Sully's tender expression when he touched Catherine's necklace on his chest and added, "I'll remember you."

For a second she wondered what kind of memories they shared but she instantly caught her self. This wasn't her business anymore. It still hurt though. Since she'd learned that Sully had been kissing another woman she'd developed a strange ring around her chest that made it difficult to breathe; the ring was tightening again.

Sully, of course, didn't notice. He hadn't looked at her since he'd joined them in the morning. At the moment, he only had eyes for Catherine who turned away from him in order to enter the stagecoach. Matthew, feeling somewhat uncomfortable now too although he had no idea what was going on between the three adults, stepped closer to help as well but neither Catherine nor Sully were paying attention to him.

Sully was proud of Catherine, for how far she had come in just one week – from the frightened animal-like creature to the beautiful young woman that was now leaving this place. And she was leaving even though it meant exchanging the safety of friendship for something unknown once again.

After she had taken her seat, Sully closed the door and looked up at her face that openly displayed her anxiety and sadness. He laid his hand on the window frame, almost touching hers this way, contemplating what else he could do to reassure her that everything would be alright. After all, her family cared enough to have paid for her journey to Baltimore. But why hadn't they offered to send a family member to pick her up? However, before he could think of a solution, the stagecoach was pulling away, and he had to make a quick movement so as not to get dragged along. Catherine didn't respond to his waving; motionless she just kept staring at him. While the vehicle gained speed, Sully considered that it might have been a mistake not accompanying her, at least to the train station in Denver. She wasn't used to the busy world she would enter now; she sure would need a guide.

Seeing Sully's gaze still lingering on the stagecoach that pulled farther and farther away, Michaela wondered what he was thinking. Was he as sad as Catherine was that she was leaving? Did he still wear her necklace in order to keep her with him like he did with Abigail by letting his braid grow?

Michaela's heart started racing at this thought and she knew she had to put a physical distance between them. Only then would she be able to maintain her still wavering emotional distance with Sully. Matthew was already leaving too so she turned to Colleen, taking her medical bag out of her daughter's hands, explaining, "I have calls to make. I'll see you back home."

Colleen simply nodded, wondering about what she had just seen and heard. She didn't give it much thought however and headed off towards the clinic while Michaela hurried in the direction of the path that lead out of town.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sully saw Michaela passing him without even deigning to look at him. He couldn't believe it. In his opinion she had no reason to be upset. She could stay in her familiar surrounding, have her family and friends around but was still sulking. He had to make sure she knew that he wouldn't tolerate her being moody forever.

That was why he made a quick decision when Brian tugged at his arm, asking him if they could go fishing. Caught in his annoyance about Michaela, Sully didn't realize how happy the boy was that Catherine was finally gone so he had his big friend back. Sully was already thinking about the upcoming argument with Michaela when he glanced down at the child. "I'd really like that, Brain," he said patting the boy's shoulder, "but I gotta talk to Dr. Mike first."

Not waiting for a reply, he started running towards the bridge that Michaela had just crossed. His anger grew with every stride he made, and when he was finally close enough so he didn't have to yell for her to hear him, he snapped, "You aren't lettin' it go, are you?"

Michaela had walked as fast as she could so her now racing heart could be explained away much more easily than her feeling embarrassed, hurt and angry, all at the same time. How could Sully display his feelings for Catherine so openly in front of the whole town? However, she was mainly angry with herself because she was still more affected by his actions than she wanted to be. Hearing his demanding voice, Michaela stopped in her tracks and without hesitation, turned to him abruptly.

"So I can be made a fool of again?" she huffed, her tone strained.

Taken aback by this response Sully forgot his annoyance momentarily, wondering, "Is that how you see it?"

Knowing she couldn't avoid talking to him forever, Michaela decided to get this discussion over with. She put her medical bag on the ground before she closed the distance between them, facing him, challenging him, "What if she'd stayed?"

To his surprise her voice sounded as if she were on the verge of tears rather than being full of resentment. Not taking the time to think about his reply carefully he simply stated the obvious. After all, because he had made his choice a long time ago, Catherine was now on her way to Baltimore.

"I'd 've chosen you."

Instead of mending her heart, those words broke it even more. In her eyes he had just admitted that he was still comparing her to other women. The small gesture of her hands made her look almost helplessly as she asked, "How do I know that?"

Her tone worried him, he had never heard her so bitter before. In an attempt to soothe her, he quickly assured with his voice soft now, "Nothing ever happened between me and Catherine. I wouldn't let it."

Michaela could read in his expression that he wanted her to trust him, but she simply couldn't, not after she had seen them together a few minutes ago.

"Something happened here," she replied instead, laying her fingers on his chest in the exact same spot that he had touched when he had assured Catherine that he would remember her.

Although slightly alarmed, Sully still thought he had everything under control and Michaela just needed some more reassurance. Thus he reached for her hand yet it slipped out of his as if it was insubstantial and his fingers only clenched around air. Not expecting, let alone understanding this reaction he looked down at his empty hand. Stunned, he didn't try to deny what she'd just been saying; Michaela took this as a confirmation of her words. Despite the lump that was growing in her throat she went on after several long heart beats, looking him straight in the eyes, "I would've never thought that was possible. Not after the things we said to each other."

And again Sully tried to convince her. "I meant all those things. I still do!" Emphasizing his last words he searched her face, expecting her to finally see that there was nothing to fear. Actually, he couldn't understand that she still thought he'd been unfaithful towards her although he'd continually told her otherwise.

Yet Michaela, unable to look at him any longer, pivoted and took a few steps away. Looking at him had reminded her that she had once seen his love for her in his eyes. She hadn't detected it now. Being close to losing her composure, she tried to take in a deep breath. The weight that pressed on her chest was too heavy though to allow it.

Sully couldn't believe how stubborn she was being. What else did she want him to do? Standing fixed in his spot, he lifted his arms in an unnerved gesture, "Don't ya hear what I'm sayin'?"

This time it was he who didn't gain a response. With his annoyance returning, he didn't suppress his anger as he took the few steps towards her. Tugging at her sleeve he growled, "Will ya stay mad at me forever?"

Michaela tried to shrug his hand off. Having a hard time checking her tears from falling she only said, "Leave me alone."

Not realizing that it was desperation he was hearing, Sully lost his temper. "Answer me," he demanded. Gripping her arm he forced her to turn toward him again.

Astonished he noticed that there wasn't the expected stubbornness or even defiance on her face. Realizing that she was close to crying he softened somewhat, still waiting for her to reply though.

Accepting that she owed him an explanation, Michaela gave it. "I'm not angry. You…" her voice trailed off.

It was difficult for her to admit it out loud for if he knew how he could affect her it would make her even more vulnerable. Taking in a shaky breath she went on nevertheless, allowing him to see her being weak for the last time. "You hurt me, Sully."

Those simple words took him off guard and for a minute he couldn't hold her gaze. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably as Michaela went on, "I'm a doctor. People put themselves in my hands; they give themselves to me. They trust me. I'm not used to giving myself to anyone."

She paused yet looked up into his eyes, wanting him to comprehend what she was saying. Her voice was thick with emotion when she admitted, her words barely more than a whisper, "I gave myself to you. I trusted you."

For the first time it occurred to Sully that it wasn't simple jealousy he had to deal with. The pain on Michaela's expression hit him hard and he instinctively reached out for her, to comfort her. "I'm sorry," he said, "I…"

The way she immediately shied away from the hand that wanted to tenderly cup her cheek silenced him, even more than what she said next.

"I am, too. I just… I can't be with you right now."

She would never forgive herself if he saw her losing it. In a way it felt good though that she had told him because she knew he would respect her wish for solitude.

Sully took a step away from her, now having some trouble with his breathing too. Looking down at the ground he carefully considered his reply, sensing that if he said the wrong thing, he might lose her. Knowing that pressure would only cause more damage, he eventually gazed at her again, wanting her to see that he meant his words, "If you change your mind – I'll always be here."

He would give her the space she needed. Yet he couldn't help it: before he left, he needed to feel her in his arms again.

This time, she didn't shy away but hugged him back. She clung to him as you cling to a hope that you know is already lost. Sully had no idea that she was hugging her love goodbye just as Michaela didn't see his tortured expression as the knowledge that he had hurt the woman he wanted to spend his life with finally sank in.

Determined to comply with her wish to be left alone, Sully at last loosened his embrace although she still held onto him. His face was blank as he briefly looked her up and down before simply turning and walking away.

Michaela, however, remained standing and watched his retreating figure. When he had said goodbye to Catherine, his expression had been full of emotion yet for her, he didn't even bother to look back. She felt as if she'd already vanished from his mind.

Neither of them knew what was going on in the other's heart. Lacking a map, they had drifted off course.

* * *

_The intervals between my posting the chapters might grow because the upcoming weeks will become busy for me. But of course you will get chapters until M&S will be reunited again :). Thank you so much for reading this story!_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

As Sully strode along the path back to town, it felt as if his chest had become a hollow room. Without meeting resistance, his heart thumped heavily against his ribs whilst Michaela's words reverberated through his head. She'd said she couldn't be with him right now. Yet it wasn't so much these words that sped up his pulse but her expression, which was now etched into his mind. He had seen her vulnerable side before – when she had had to operate on Brian or when she had been greatly concerned about her mother's health. He had been there to comfort her then. Yet this time, _he_ was responsible for her tears…

Deciding rather to think about what to do next, he shrugged off the feeling of guilt that started to claim him. Although he accepted that it was he who had caused her pain, he still didn't comprehend why it had happened. Sully wished he could have a man-to-man talk with Cloud Dancing. His brother's advice was always helpful, even though he never directly told him what to do. For now, however, Brian was waiting, and Sully was determined to show Michaela that he was serious about what he'd said: he would always be there for her and right now that meant taking care of her son.

…………………………………………….

Brian sat on the clinic porch, his feet on the street. Absentmindedly scratching the soil with a stick, he considered what to do. He wasn't sure if Sully had said he would take him fishing after the talk with his Ma. He really wished it was so, after all they hadn't done anything together for more than a week…

When Wolf, who had joined him a few minutes ago, suddenly lifted his head and looked in the direction of the mercantile, Brian did the same. The boy's face lit up at the sight of Sully coming around the corner.

"Hey, Sully," he called, jumping up and waving excitedly.

"Still wanna go fishin'?" Sully asked as he reached him, forcing a smile.

"Sure," Brian nodded eagerly. "I only gotta get my fishing rod first."

Yet Sully feared they might meet Michaela on their way to the homestead and thus suggested, "I could show ya how the Cheyenne fish. Then ya wouldn't need it."

Of course Brian had no objections; this was even better. His excitement soon waned though. Although Sully never talked very much, unless he was telling a story, today he was even quieter. Growing insecure, the child glanced at his big friend from time to time but it seemed as if Sully had forgotten about his presence. In Brian's eyes, there could be only two reasons and both were equally bad.

"Ya sad 'cause she's gone?" he finally dared to ask, fearing to gain a "yes" in response for it could mean that Sully might still leave, too.

Sully instantly halted in his tracks. He had been thinking of Catherine because the creek had reminded him how she had found her memory back here. Pivoting to look at Brian, he said something else though.

"Not sad, just concerned if she'll make it safely to her new home."

Brian nodded.

"But ya told the driver to keep an eye on her."

"Yeah, I did," Sully affirmed.

Suddenly realizing that he had been watched as he'd said goodbye to Catherine, Sully turned abruptly, resuming his walk along the creek. As he replayed the scene in his head he was sure that he hadn't done anything wrong. He'd only wanted to make the departure as easy as possible for Catherine; no one could reproach him for being nice to a friend who was leaving for a town all the way across the country. Yet thinking that, another farewell scene appeared before his eyes, one from not too long ago: when Michaela had left with the kids for Boston, he had only waved to her from a distance. Had Michaela remembered that at the stagecoach, too? No, he decided, this was ridiculous, not comparable at all. He was reading more into the situation than there really was...

Brian, however, was caught in his own worries and still far away from being reassured. If Sully wasn't sad then there must be another reason for his strained quietness. Maybe this was all his fault.

"Ya mad 'cause I told Ma?" he eventually managed to ask, feeling terrible now.

Puzzled, Sully stopped again. Turning around he saw the anxiety on the boy's face and suddenly understood. Squatting down before him, Sully laid his hands on his shoulders, making him look at him.

"Listen, Brian," he said, hoping he sounded convincing for he was utterly sincere about his next words.

"Nothing that happened is your fault, alright? It's just between me and Dr. Mike."

This sounded familiar and Brian nodded, "That's what Ma said."

"Good," Sully replied, squeezing the small shoulders reassuringly. "I'll always be your friend, no matter what."

These words produced a small smile on Brian's face.

"Ma said the same. And that you're a good man."

Sully suddenly felt a lump in his throat. "She did?"

"Yeah, after I told her about you and…" Brian's voice trailed off. He shouldn't have mentioned it again. He should have kept it all a secret. In fact, neither his Ma nor Sully blaming him had actually made him feel even worse.

Sensing that Brian was close to tears now, Sully pulled him into a hug. "Everything's gonna be alright again, don't worry."

"Promise?" Brian whispered next to his friend's ear.

Sully accepted the challenge like he had done so long ago; he would figure out something to make Michaela see that it was her he wanted.

"Promise," he assured.

…………………………………………………………………

They'd actually managed to catch some fish for the family's supper and Sully accompanied Brian up to the edge of the woods, wanting to make sure the boy would get home safely. Understanding Brian's unspoken question when they parted, he'd told him that he wouldn't come to the homestead; not tonight and maybe for even a few more days. "I gotta look after my traps," he'd explained. "Besides, I think Dr. Mike could use some time alone with you kids."

Brian had nodded, trying to be brave and Sully had added, convincing the child, "I promised, remember?"

It was shortly after noon when Sully at last approached the Cheyenne village. To his relief, he heard the tone of his brother's flute before he had even spotted him. Although usually hunting parties weren't allowed anymore, Cloud Dancing could still have been away for the day. But he wasn't and thus Sully strolled to his friend's teepee. Snowbird wasn't there though, so Sully lowered himself to the ground before the tent, simply watching the daily commotions before him. Some children were playing nearby, placing pebbles one after another in a pattern only they understood. Seeing their thin arms and pinched faces, Sully furrowed his brow. Life became harder for the Cheyenne with every new day.

"You are worried, my friend."

His brother's voice interrupted his train of thoughts. Cloud Dancing sat down next to Sully, not expecting a confirmation. Sully, however, replied nevertheless, "Lookin' at your kids makes me wanna do more for ya. I wish I could."

The medicine man knew that but he also knew something else, "That's not why you are here."

"No," Sully conceded, giving his friend a half smile.

"Women trouble" the Cheyenne stated simply. He hadn't said anything when Sully had showed up a few days ago and asked his wife for help in getting an Indian dress. Sure, his friend had explained the situation but in Cloud Dancing's opinion, Sully was doing something wrong. Even though the strange white woman had lived as a part of an Indian tribe for many moons, there would be no way back for her to this life. That was why the medicine man thought it better to make her a part of the white man's world as soon as possible. An Indian dress wouldn't help with that. Dr. Mike was a smart woman, she would see it the same way. It was to be expected that his friend would run into problems.

Shrugging nervously, Sully confirmed his brother's suspicion, "Yeah."

They sat quietly for some long moments until Sully couldn't take the silence any longer. He gave a short report of the events, still leaving out a certain detail though. Cloud Dancing could tell that he hadn't heard the whole story yet and didn't respond. Knowing that it was silly to hope for advice without telling his friend everything, Sully finally revealed, "Brian saw how Catherine kissed me and told Dr. Mike."

The Cheyenne nodded knowingly but continued to say nothing. Growing more uncomfortable by the minute, Sully defended himself, "I couldn't reject Catherine at that moment! I only wanted…"

Yet as always, Cloud Dancing already knew exactly where the sore point lay. "You could not or you would not?"

Watching anger creeping into his white brother's expression, the medicine man added, "If you don't answer this question honestly at least to yourself, you will lose Dr. Mike."

Speaking these words, Cloud Dancing rose to his feet and giving Sully's shoulder an encouraging pat suggested, "Think about it, my friend."

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Convinced he was just being misjudged, Sully refused to feel guilty about anything he had done to help Catherine. He roamed the woods for the rest of the day, trying in vain to figure out what to do next for of course, he didn't want to lose the only woman who could make him feel whole again. A night of restless sleep didn't help matters either and so he at last decided to take Cloud Dancing's advice and look into his heart again.

As he went to a large oak behind his lean-to and sat down cross-legged at its foot, Wolf gave a soft whimper, knowing that his master didn't want to be disturbed for a while.

Sully had learned the procedure of how to empty his mind in order to be able to focus on only one subject. Patience and concentration were all he needed. Yet for some reason he lacked the latter today. Cloud Dancing had taught him that this meant his mind already knew it would discover something it didn't want to find.

Determined to prove that this wasn't the case for him, Sully gave it another try.

Making himself comfortable on the hard ground again, still sitting cross-legged, he closed his eyes. With the back of his hands resting on his knees, the palms open to the sky, he listened to the light rustle of the leaves above him and the occasional bird calls until his body relaxed. He knew he was ready now and recalled the scene at the clinic.

_Catherine sat on the bed before him, looking up at him with her sad, desperate eyes, touching him, saying that he was the only person she felt connected with. _

_He understood how lonely she felt; he had been in the same place. When he saw her leaning up to him… _

Sully's eyes flew open and he gasped. It didn't matter that he had pulled away rather quickly because Catherine's lips against his hadn't felt right - he _had_ kissed another woman. It didn't matter why he had allowed the kiss to happen. It was wrong and he had known it right away. He remembered that he had wiped his lips as he entered the examination room afterwards, fearing that Dr. Mike would recognize what he had done.

His shoulders slumped with the realization that he had indeed broken Michaela's trust in him. Yet there was no use in dwelling on this fact. Determinedly, he straightened his back again: no matter how long it took, he would win her trust back by showing her in every possible way that she could rely on him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sully considered his next step carefully. Had Michaela meant her words literally; that she couldn't be with him 'right now'? He had stayed away for more than a day; was this still too short a time, or already too long? Knowing that there was only one way to find out, he rose to his feet.

Since he just couldn't say how long it had taken him to clear his mind, he had to judge the time first. The day wasn't sunny and thus he passed his lean-to to reach the edge of the clearing. Though looking up at the sky, his gaze only met dark clouds. All he could do was guess the position of the sun, which told him it was around noon. Not wanting to waste any more time, Sully gestured for Wolf to follow him and set off towards the homestead.

Hurrying towards his destination, he had no idea that Michaela had taken stock of her life again last night, and that her mind was already set.

All day, since she'd watched him walking away, Michaela had gathered more arguments for why she should follow the reasoning of her mind rather than the desire of her heart. It was more difficult suppressing the latter than anticipated, yet recalling a conversation with Dorothy she remembered that she had had doubts about her courting right from the start. Now it had turned out that she indeed wasn't suited for it. Maybe she had already lived on her own for too long. Maybe it was time to take Sully's point of view and just accept that there were certain things she couldn't change.

She was a mother, and had still a lot to learn about. And she was a doctor. She wanted to be a good one, and for this she had to stay up to date with the newest knowledge. Both of these tasks were already time-consuming enough. She didn't need a relationship in addition, which she was destined to fail anyway. After their falling out the other night she knew what she'd always feared: she didn't meet Sully's expectations.

He had a compassionate heart; it was one of the reasons why she had fallen in love with him. What if another young, attractive woman in need of help came to town? What if Sully was attracted again? This time he had chosen her; what about the next time?

As far back as she could think Michaela had had to fight for what she wanted. She didn't want to fight to be loved. She didn't know how and was quite sure that it would be a futile effort anyway. No one could force love. Life had already given her a wonderful gift: the children. She shouldn't ask for more. Yet being honest with herself she knew that there was something equally important: she needed to get back on safe ground. Only this way could she protect herself from being hurt again. Although her heart protested with a painful contraction, she still confirmed her decision from earlier: she shouldn't have a relationship with Sully, and so she wouldn't.

Her sleep afterwards had been fitful.

However, Michaela was mentally prepared when she heard Brian calling excitedly from the yard, "Ma, Sully's back!"

She was making lunch with Colleen inside the house, and simply asked her daughter to set another place. Ignoring the quickening of her pulse, she turned towards the door as Brian pulled Sully into the room, Matthew right behind them.

"Look Ma, Sully's back!" Brian reiterated happily, looking at her expectantly.

Holding her son's gaze, Michaela bent down, laying her hand on his shoulder, "Yes, he is. And I'd like you to wash your hands so we can start eating, alright?"

"Sure, Ma." The boys smile was infectious, and so she returned it.

Straightening up again she glanced at their visitor, greeting him politely, "Hello, Sully. If you want, you could have lunch with us."

"I'd like that," Sully replied, trying to keep their eyes locked to find out where they stood with each other.

He didn't succeed though for she pivoted and joined Colleen by the oven.

Sully wasn't sure what to think of the way she was acting and asked tentatively, "Ya ain't mad that I've been away, are ya? I mean, ya said…"

"Of course not," she retorted, glancing at him. "You don't have to answer to me. Please, sit down."

Although neither her voice nor expression gave anything away, it was as if the temperature in the room dropped. Michaela seemed to be the only one who didn't notice, and her tone remained even as she turned towards Colleen, wondering, "What about the biscuits, are they done?"

"Sure, Dr. Mike." Colleen's voice was calm, yet the secret look she exchanged with Matthew was puzzled.

Brian, having taken his seat across from Sully, anxiously gazed at his grown friend. Sully, however, with all three Cooper kids looking at him now, was clearly unsettled as well.

Brian wanted to speak, yet Colleen, standing behind his chair, instantly covered his mouth with her hand. It was obvious that Dr. Mike didn't want any discussion, which meant it was better to act as if everything was normal. They could talk to Sully later.

The children didn't have to wait very long for the opportunity. Hearing a rider approaching the house, Michaela quickly went out onto the porch, recognizing the telegraph operator.

"Horace, what's wrong?" she instantly demanded.

Looking concerned, Horace explained, "You gotta come quickly, Dr. Mike. One of Loren's customers fainted at the store."

That was enough for Michaela to rush back into the house. Grabbing her medical bag and taking her coat from the hook, she informed everyone, but no one in particular, "I have to go to town. I'll be back for supper, I hope."

Dr. Mike had barely left the room when Sully felt Colleen and Matthew's eyes on him. Brian looked at the food on his plate, pushing it around with his fork. Sully realized that the boy hadn't told his brother and sister what he had seen. Actually, he was thankful for that. Not wanting to go into too much detail, he looked up at the older Cooper kids and said simply, "I've done somethin' stupid."

While Colleen furrowed her brow in confusion, Matthew thought he might know, "Catherine?"

"Yeah," was all Sully replied, but he didn't have to say any more. The farewell scene by the stagecoach suddenly made sense to the siblings. They glanced at each other, but didn't make any comments. Not because they didn't feel they had the right to do so, but because both had been in Sully's shoes not so long ago. While Matthew recalled how he had unintentionally made Atlantis, the girl from the circus, think he was interested in her, Colleen remembered how terrible she had felt when she'd kind of stolen the boy her best friend Becky had been fond of.

Sully watched the children carefully as they continued to avoid his eyes. Not sure what was going on within them, he repeated the promise he had already given Brian, "I'll do anything to get things back to normal."

Searching the young faces before him, he could read their skepticism. Yet instead of being discouraged, it only made him more determined. He had never had the intention of giving up on this family, and he wouldn't start now. He knew that he might need a lot of patience though, for he had recognized what Michaela had decided while he was gone: the door of her house continued to stay open for him, but she had shut him out of her private thoughts and feelings.

……………………………………………………………

And patient Sully was indeed, starting as if from the scratch. He took Brian fishing and helped Matthew with his new house. He would bring meat and fish to the homestead and stay for a meal when he was invited. It was as if he was secretly allied to the Cooper kids, for they never failed to ask him to eat with them. He never stayed too long though, not wanting to test Michaela. She always accepted his presence, responded when she was asked, but rarely talked to him of her own accord. If she met his gaze, her expression didn't show any emotion. Sully couldn't remember when it was that he had last seen her smile let alone laugh.

He knew better than to push Michaela, and seeing how tonight she only picked at her food absentmindedly, he was sure she was concerned about Matthew. The oldest Cooper kid hadn't shown up for supper, and his younger siblings were unusually quiet. Not wanting to interfere in family matters, he wiped his mouth with the napkin after glancing at Michaela, announcing, "I best be goin'."

Both children looked up at him, startled. Brian, not wanting Sully to leave, turned anxiously to his Ma, hoping it would be today that she finally asked their friend to stay.

To everyone's surprise, Michaela actually reacted. She reached for Sully, not only with words, but even by touching his arm so as to hold him back. "Would you like some more coffee?" she suggested, already rising from her chair.

Astonished, Sully followed her with his gaze, but didn't need one beat to instantly agree, "Sure." He wasn't thirsty at all.

Of course he knew that this wasn't about coffee; for the first time she'd asked him to stay, even if she didn't say it directly. His heart skipped a beat with joy, but of course he didn't show it. He didn't hesitate to take his chance to show her that he cared and knew about her sorrows.

"Ya worried about him?" he asked, holding up his cup for her to fill with more of the dark-brown liquid.

Still deep in her troubled thoughts, Michaela replied, "It would just be nice to know where he is."

It wasn't important that they reacted differently to Matthew's gambling when the young man eventually returned home that night; Michaela with disapproval and Sully rather with understanding. It didn't even matter that Sully accepted Matthew's gift, although he realized that Michaela was right when she refused hers, and that he should have done the same. It wasn't the disagreement that counted, but Michaela's openly admitting that she wanted to have Sully by her side.

This was the sign Sully had waited so patiently for. The first step in the right direction, from his point of view, was done.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

After that night at the homestead, Sully had stopped restricting himself to waiting for an invitation to join the family. The very next morning he appeared in town in time for Michaela's arrival with the children. Although he instantly pulled a basket with fresh sheets from the back of the wagon in order to help Michaela carry them inside, his attention was focused instead on Matthew who had just exited the clinic.

Worried that the young man might start seeing gambling as his only chance to earn enough money to buy what he needed for his new homestead, Sully had asked around to see if anyone was offering a job. Outside of town he had succeeded.

"I just came from Widow Hansen's," he informed Matthew, "she says she needs that oak tree chopped. Pays two dollars."

Having won so much last night that he was able to buy gifts for everyone in the family and still having enough left, not only for lumber but another game as well, Matthew thought it was pointless to go all the way out of town for two dollars. Not wanting to anger Sully though and actually appreciating his older friend's attempt to support him, he assured; "I'll go by later."

With that he headed off down the street and for a minute, Michaela and Sully watched his retreating figure. They both hoped that Matthew would really do what he'd just promised but feared that he wouldn't. Upon glancing at each other, there was a mute understanding that had developed at a time when they had grown so close, a time which seemed ages ago now. However, on this occasion it worked and whilst Michaela silently communicated her appreciation for his efforts, Sully assured her that it was nothing. As he carried the basket into the examination room, his expression showed his satisfaction for a split second. He had noticed the almost imperceptible smile on her face.

Sully had no idea that Michaela still felt as if she had just saved herself from drowning. She had a picture in her mind that she and Sully had been swimming through a river. He had promised to take her to the other side but when she still felt insecure and doubted that she would be able to make it, he had turned away from her for he had spotted someone else. Michaela had realized though that it didn't really matter that Sully had focused his attention on another woman or why; all that mattered was that he had told her she wasn't fast enough for him. It had been those angry words that had pulled away the ground under her feet and made her flee out of the water. Yet she needed to stay at the river's bank for her children's sake, and after her heart had stopped its aching race from the effort to leave her dream behind, she had made herself comfortable like she had done when she'd first arrived in Colorado Springs: staying open-minded but only relying on herself.

However, she had realized that accepting help didn't hurt. In addition, she felt safe now with her heart shielded once again and so it wasn't difficult for her to ask for Sully's support when it came to Matthew. She had learned the lesson that her son sometimes needed a male guide rather than his mother. And this time, contrary to Matthew's rite of passage one year ago, she and Sully were even in tune after initially seeing things differently. Although it hurt watching her son making all those mistakes – after all, he hadn't only been badly beaten but had even risked his engagement with Ingrid, Michaela knew that this was the only way for the young man to find out himself that what he was doing was wrong.

Yet only when everything was over and Sully had given her the ring he had bought back from the slick gambler, had she recognized how hopelessly lost Matthew had actually been. Her expression showed her shock upon realizing this conclusion but also deep gratitude for Sully's help.

As Michaela looked at him fully for the first time after what felt like years to him, Sully's heart skipped a beat and his gaze softened. He wanted her to know that as much as this was about Matthew, his sympathy was with her too. As he saw her attempting to smile and heard her thanking him, he wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her. However, the tiny moment of her opening up to him was already gone and thus he figured it was still too soon for this gesture of intimacy even though it would only have been a friendly one.

That didn't mean that he was discouraged though. Knowing that he had a foot in the door, Sully stopped by at the homestead even more often now than he had done when he was courting Michaela. This way he saw much more of how the small family functioned. He had known before that Matthew did most of the chores outside of the house because he had helped him now and then. Brian had some tasks as well and of course Michaela was the one who kept everything together. But actually it was Colleen who amazed Sully the most. Next to doing her school work, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the laundry at home, the girl even volunteered to help at the clinic. Dr. Mike was really lucky that her daughter was so willing and reasonable. Sully hoped that Colleen would some day find someone who'd really appreciate all her qualities.

He was sure though that this wouldn't be Tom, Dorothy's son. The former soldier had just returned to town, apparently to visit his mother. When they had all sat around the table at the homestead for dinner on the night of his arrival, the young man had seemed to be quite nice. The children couldn't get enough of his stories and he charmed Michaela with compliments about the professional group of doctors. Yet there was something about Tom that disturbed Sully. He just couldn't pinpoint yet what it was. Since Colleen seemed to have taken a liking to him, Sully decided to watch the young man carefully.

He had no idea that he wouldn't even be close by when the unthinkable happened the very next night.

Michaela had only really felt uncomfortable in the small house so far away from any neighbors during her first few weeks in Colorado Springs. Then she had gotten used to living out of town and even learned to appreciate the solitude. Only when the attacks by dog soldiers increased did she take precautions to protect her family in case of an emergency. Because Matthew had insisted, she now had a rifle within reach beside her bed but to be honest, she hadn't expected to actually need it.

However, as soon as Colleen's muffled screams woke her up in the late hours of that night, Michaela had grabbed the gun as if she had done it umpteen times before. She even thought of cocking her gun while she yelled at the masked intruder to let her daughter go and called out for Matthew to help her. For Michaela it was as if everything happened at the same moment: the stranger shoving Colleen out of the way so he could aim at her now, her sons appearing on the threshold and the robber turning and shooting at Matthew. Hearing the loud bang, Michaela didn't hesitate to fire the rifle she held already raised against the man who had threatened her children. Only when he fell to the floor with a loud thud, screaming with pain and Matthew took the rifle from her, did she gather Colleen and Brian in her arms, holding them close. Assuring them that everything was over now, she waited anxiously for Matthew to tell her whether the stranger still lived. Hearing that he did, her "doctor" instinct took over and she went to him. As she pulled the scarf from his face and realized it was her best friend's son who had caused this nightmare for her family, Michaela was taken aback. She didn't have time to try and comprehend the situation however because Tom needed surgery immediately.

Later, she couldn't recall how they had managed to get the young man into the back of the wagon so they could take him to the clinic. But she would remember that for the first time after they'd broken up she had wished Sully was there.

However, as soon as they raced into town with Matthew calling for help, enough people rushed out of their houses in order to support whoever was in need. Knowing she had to operate instantly in order to save her patient's life, Michaela asked Grace to take care of the children. Time was very precious right now and so Michaela didn't register Colleen's plea to be allowed staying with her for what it was: the girl crying out for her mother to make her feel safe again. Not that Michaela would have been able to do so but maybe she could have prevented her daughter's withdrawal into herself. Although Colleen had lived with Dr. Mike for just under two years, she was already very much her new mother's daughter and thus she buried her emotions deep inside of herself rather than discussing them openly.

Sully wasn't there yet to help.

.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Gathering all necessary things for the surgery, Michaela tried to get a hold on her emotions, knowing she wouldn't be able to work with trembling fingers. Her world was shaken to its very foundations though. It wasn't only that two of her children had almost been killed while they were under her care but she herself had deliberately hurt a human being. Her mind was occupied with questions she had no answer for, such as: Why hadn't she realized what Tom was up to when he had come back for morphine in the morning? She had seen that his injury had healed up well. Had she simply been blinded by the fact that he was Dorothy's child and because of that assumed that he wouldn't lie? She had lost her objectivity as a doctor and she hadn't been able to protect her children properly. What was wrong with her?

However, whilst she was working on the young man's leg in the hope of saving it, Michaela refused to allow her emotional upset to distract her. The horror in Dorothy's eyes made her only more determined to prevent an amputation. Of course she could tell why Jake had doubted that this was possible but she still felt there was a chance she might succeed, and as long there was a chance, she wouldn't stop trying.

It was already light when she finally opened the door in order to give her report to the people waiting on the clinic porch. Of course Dorothy was relieved upon hearing the news. Michaela, however, sensed that she blamed her for Tom's suffering when she passed by without as much as a glance in her direction. Yet Hank even topped that when he told her that he was proud of her. How could someone be proud of damaging a human body? She hadn't felt so alone for a very long time.

Yet then she spotted Sully at Matthew's side strolling towards the clinic, and she went to him as if he was the opposite pole of a magnet that inevitably pulled her in his direction. She was having a hard time controlling her emotions now and barely managed to ask her oldest son to take care of his siblings for a moment. Then she sought comfort in Sully's arms and whilst his hands soothingly stroked her, guiding her away from prying eyes, she gave in to her desperation. She didn't register that Sully told her that he had heard from Matthew what had happened. She needed to get the horror off her chest, knowing he would understand for he was a kindred spirit.

"Sully, I almost shot a man." Her voice cracked. Speaking this truth out loud and still having the picture of the pool of blood and the severe harm the bullet had done to Tom's leg before her eyes, devastated her even more.

"You didn't have no choice," Sully instantly reassured. Truthfully, he had expected her to be upset that someone had broken into the house whilst they were all asleep, not berating herself for defending her family's safety by using a weapon.

Michaela stepped out of his embrace towards the small fence behind her clinic. Yet she didn't do it in order to reject the comfort he offered; she was simply still caught up in reproaching herself for what had occured at the homestead. Pivoting so as to face him again, she revealed her doubts, "I keep going over it in my mind. Maybe there was another way…" Her voice trailed off. If she had known it was Tom, she was sure she could have talked to him… On the other hand, he had pointed a gun at her, determined to use it…

It was as if Sully read her thoughts, and he knew he had to assure her that she had reacted the only possible way in this situation.

"You did what you had to do to protect your children," he stressed, searching for her gaze.

Michaela, however, was still too deep shock. Now that she was done with the surgery and could allow her thoughts to wander, she started comprehending what she had done. Her voice trembled when she explained, "But I took an oath to preserve life. When I think of how close I came to taking one…" Disgusted with herself, she averted her eyes.

Wanting her to recognize that she needed to focus on what was really important, Sully reminded her, "But you didn't. You saved him."

Hearing his words, Michaela looked up at him again. She could read in his face that he understood what it was that tortured her. His features were so familiar to her like the picture that her own mirror reflected. At the moment his expression promised her all of his support she needed. Letting out a long breath she went into his arms, silently asking him to give her his strength, and he was more than willing to do it.

"It's gonna be alright," he whispered, holding her close and Michaela remembered when he had first said those words, consoling and encouraging her at the same time. It had been after Brian fell into a coma and she had feared that she didn't know enough to help him. His unwavering trust in her was one of the reasons why she'd eventually dared an operation she had never done before. Back then it had saved her son's life. Now she needed to restore that faith in her own competency. It felt good to know that Sully was at her side.

As far as Sully was concerned, he feared that the tiniest movement would make her jump out of his arms. For a short minute he allowed himself to be selfish and savored finally holding her against his chest again, feeling her soft hair tickling his cheek…

In fact he was angry with himself. He had spent the night so far away from the homestead that he hadn't even heard the shooting; otherwise he would have gone there immediately. But Sully also knew that there was no use in looking back. Thus he decided instead to stay close by for the next few days until he could be sure things were back to normal. That was why it was he who noticed that Colleen couldn't cope with the events of that night at all. Yet when he took her to her mother, he learned that the girl didn't want to tell Dr. Mike how upset she really was. Unfortunately there wasn't an opportunity for him to reveal the truth of the situation, firstly because he thought it wasn't his place to do so with Colleen present and secondly because Dorothy burst unexpectedly into the room.

The composure Michaela had built with Sully's help earlier had crumbled to the ground again not only because of her argument with Dorothy but also as she had to concede that her efforts to save her patient's leg had been in vain. Now she had to do what she'd hoped could be avoided, for both, mother and son's sake. From now on, Tom would have to live with only one leg because she, his current doctor, had shot at him. Now that she was quite sure that a disease had caused his actions she felt even worse. Preparing for the amputation, tears kept escaping her eyes and blurring her vision.

"He made it all through the war with that leg," commented Jake dryly, standing at the head of Tom's bed. Michaela didn't see how Sully scowled at the barber but only sank deeper into her feelings of guilt.

"I did this." She wiped at the moisture on her cheeks, glancing at Sully who had stepped towards her, concerned at seeing her so distressed.

"No," he shook his head, laying his hand on her shoulder, wanting her to look at him again, "you didn't. He did."

But this time he failed in convincing her. However, he wanted her to know that he was there for her and thus he suggested, pointing at his chest, "Want me to do this?"

Strangely enough, Sully offering to do her job made Michaela focus again. Determinedly, she straightened her back and brushed away the last of her tears. Drawing her mind from her troubled thoughts, she stepped towards the bed, concentrating on the operation that would cost Tom his leg but save his life. The latter was all that counted.

...

When Sully went to the homestead the next morning, he felt as if things were finally back to normal. Michaela had wanted to keep vigil at her patient's bedside over night and thus she had asked him to look after the children; he couldn't remember when she had last asked him to do so.

His good mood faltered a bit though when he saw Matthew standing with his horse in front of the barn. "You alright?" he wondered as the young man wasn't able to meet his eyes.

"Yeah," replied Matthew, "I'm just wondering - if I'd have gotten there sooner…"

His gaze went to the house and he knew he didn't have to say more because he was sure that Sully understood. He did indeed.

Sully was aware of the fact that the oldest Cooper kid, as the man of the house, felt responsible for the family's safety. But so did he and knowing they shared the same feeling of guilt he admitted, "I've been thinkin' the same thing. I should have stayed closer. But," and now he reiterated the conclusion he'd arrived at earlier, "There's no use lookin' back. You do your best at the time; that's all you can do."

Matthew nodded silently. Of course Sully was right but he still thought he should have tried harder last night.

After the young man had left, Sully was confronted with the next set of problems. First he had to explain Brian that pretending to shoot a man wasn't an exciting game and then he couldn't get through to Colleen. Although he promised that he would make sure that no one would hurt her on her way to school and back, the girl flatly refused to leave the house, claiming she was too tired. Sully had never seen Colleen acting so withdrawn and was positive she was still caught up in the terror of the nightly attack. Thus he decided to alert Michaela to the state her daughter was in.

Back in town, he dropped Brian off at school and then actually managed to get Dr. Mike out of her clinic, wanting to inform her about Colleen. Yet whilst they were strolling towards the meadow, Michaela just kept talking about her own problems. To him, it seemed as if her patient and her professional questions were more important than her own kids.

When she finally stopped, welcoming his suggestion to talk to Cloud Dancing, he took the opportunity to tell her why he had wanted to see her: to make her realize that her daughter was so upset that she needed her mother's help.

When she told him she was sure that she would have noticed if something was wrong with Colleen he insisted, "You've been so caught up with Tom, you haven't had a chance to watch her close." He paused a split second so she could sense his disapproval when he added, "You forget – there were other people in the cabin that night."

Michaela stared at him in disbelief. Her heart started thumping heavily within her chest as she once again felt as if standing alone. Was there really no one around who could see that she only struggled with her doubts because she was certain that it was her who had started the terrible event at all? As to prevent her children being put in danger again she needed to find out what she had done wrong. Did Sully actually believe her to be so self-centered that she thought only of her own distress?

"I haven't forgotten," she interjected, emotionally withdrawing from him again, "I'm reliving it every waking moment."

"So does Colleen," Sully retorted, a tad softer now.

Michaela didn't want to take a chance and miss something being wrong with her daughter and thus she went out with him to the homestead.

Although his words still stung, in the end she was glad that he had directed her attention to Colleen. In taking care of her, she had regained some of her own composure and was later determined enough to prevail over Dorothy who tried to dictate how her son should be treated.

As Colleen gradually mastered her fears and Tom, free from the influence of the morphine, even apologized for what he had done to her, everything seemed to be right again for the family. Yet the next helping of trouble was already waiting for them when Jedediah Bancroft decided to come back to town.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Whenever Michaela had to deal with an important problem, she gave it a lot of thought, looking at it from different angles. She considered both, the good effects and the bad ones a certain solution might bring and only after this process she decided about how to go on. This way, her decisions were always well considered, and she never called them into question afterwards, having learned that otherwise she would only go round in circles. Some people called it stubbornness, but Michaela preferred the term determination. Having her mind set on practicing at the frontier was the reason why she stayed in Colorado Springs, dismissing the fact that in the beginning, no one but Charlotte and later Sully acknowledged her being a doctor. Even the conditions she had to live under couldn't put her off. It wasn't only that she had to live in a small wooden house that was a shack in comparison to her brownstone-built home in Boston; she also had had no idea how to manage all the daily chores she didn't even know existed.

However, this time she had decided to shut her heart to Sully, to love at all. The hurt he had caused her was buried now but not forgotten, although she didn't think about it anymore. This chapter of her life was closed. At least she thought so.

To her surprise and relief, Sully didn't seem to mind that their relationship had changed. Patiently he had taken the initial awkwardness when he resumed coming to the homestead for supper. He was there for the family, as they needed his help to get over all the trouble Dorothy's son had caused. That was when Michaela recognized that he wasn't only the children's friend but still hers as well. As soon as she embraced this thought, she was able to relax around him again. His visits at the homestead grew longer; he didn't leave right after the meal as if he was just a guest. Brian was more than delighted, Colleen couldn't be more content, and Matthew was glad having his mentor near by more often than ever before.

As far as Sully was concerned, he judged the situation in his own way. He was convinced that things between him and Dr. Mike were almost back to normal, and if he hadn't had this bad feeling about Jedediah Bancroft and his so called 'social club', he would have considered taking a hunting trip and leaving town for a few days.

He was glad that he'd stayed although he was too late in town the morning after Robert E. had been beaten by the Klan members. This time, his friend had been attacked with the paint he had intended to use for coloring the door of his new house, and Sully feared that this was only be the beginning. After all, it had been Hank and Jake who had shown the whole town how they felt about Robert E. becoming their new neighbor.

Robert E. was still standing in front of his house, covered with the white substance and flatly refusing to accept any support. Thus Sully directed his attention to Michaela again. Fortunately the children hadn't witnessed the incident, but Dr. Mike was visibly upset. He wanted her to know that he was there for her as he stepped behind her, laying his hands on her shoulders protectively, soothingly. She didn't shy away from his touch, and Sully took this as another sign that she trusted him again. He would still be careful though so as to not startle her or make her feel pressured into doing something she wasn't ready for.

Yet he couldn't help himself, having her so close again made him momentarily forget not only what he'd just seen but his good intentions as well. Unnoticed by Michaela, Sully bent his head so that his nose almost touched her hair. He needed to breath in her scent and so he did it even though he could only take a whiff, being aware that they stood in the middle of the main street.

…………………………………………………

As Sully had predicted, things became not only worse for Robert E. and Grace but also dangerous for Dr. Mike and the children. Of course Michaela stood openly to her convictions, which resulted in the Ku Klux Klan coming out to the homestead the next night since the family accommodated the blacksmith and his wife in their barn. The disguised men weren't there so as to give them hollow threats. Who knows what they would have done with their torches if their leader hadn't hurt himself on the burning cross…

The next morning Michaela, with Sully right on her heels, stormed into the saloon as soon as she had located Jedediah Bancroft. She needed to confront him, knowing that this might be the only way to prevent him and his men from coming to her home again. Yet talking to him proved to be useless, and Michaela had already turned in order to leave this place when the words he called after her made her turn back.

In disbelief, she stared at the man, "Are you threatening my children?"

"I'm just saying that some folks don't take kindly to the sympathizers," Bancroft spat at her, nothing but disgust for her on his face.

Stunned, Michaela was still searching for a sharp retort as Sully passed her from behind, closing the distance between him and the Klan man with a few steps. His voice was dangerously low as he spoke directly in the man's face. "You lay a hand on them," he paused a beat, his eyes ablaze with rage as he gripped Bancroft's jaw making him look at him, "and I'll kill you."

No one in the room dared come to Jedediah Bancroft's help. The townies knew Sully well enough as to be able to tell that he was deadly serious, and for the others the mountain man looked dangerous enough for them to stay silent.

As Michaela and Sully entered the clinic again, both their emotions were still in uproar. Sully's, because all these so called respectable men hadn't moved one finger so as to put a stranger, who threatened their doctor _and_ her children, in place, and Michaela's because she had seldom met such openly displayed hatred. Although she was glad that Sully had stood up for her, she was still somewhat unsettled, "I'd never thought I'd hear you say that to anyone."

"No one's ever threatened the children before," he replied matter-of-factly, leaning against the examination table.

Michaela stopped before the backdoor, turning to him. Feeling responsible for all that had happened to her family lately, she wanted Sully to know what she had concluded on their way across the street. "I realized something just now," she revealed pointing at her chest, "It's not Robert E. who's putting them in danger. It's me."

Holding her gaze, Sully tried to reassure her that she hadn't done anything wrong, "You're just standin' up for what's right. Just like you always do."

To be honest, he had almost forgotten that this was one of her qualities he adored, having not seen her in action for quite a while now. Of course he was, as always, more than willing to support her.

Yet hearing his praise, Michaela felt even worse. "The truth is, I was relieved when he left," she admitted, meaning Robert E.'s deciding to go back to town. "I'm afraid… for all of us."

Sully knew that making this confession wasn't easy for her. Straightening from his position on the table, he shifted so he stood right across from her. "I care about Robert E. just as much as you do," he conceded, laying his hands on her shoulders so he could peer into her eyes. How he had missed her looking at him without any reservation like she did now. "But he wants to stand up for himself," he went on, adding, "There is only so much you can do for somebody."

Momentarily puzzled, Michaela looked away from the intensity of his gaze. She had had the same thought and hearing Sully speaking it out loud made her feel understood and she was thankful for that. But still… "That's not what you used to say," she reminded him, locking eyes with him again. She needed to see that he hadn't said it only to make her feel better.

Of course Sully knew that she was right with her remark. But something had changed for him. When they had started courting he had told her that he wouldn't be able to live with it if anything happened to her or the children. Well, this was even more true now than in those days, and so he took the opportunity to make her see how much he cared. "Back then I only had myself to worry about," he explained, his gaze tender.

"There was a time all I had was myself, too," Michaela nodded and a small knowing smile lit up her face, "but now… there are the children…"

Sully wanted to hold on time for a minute, reveling in their closeness yet behind Michaela he noticed an audience.

The Cooper kids had appeared on the threshold, overhearing the last lines of the adults' conversation. Asked for their opinion, it turned out that they all agreed in continuing helping Robert E. and so they at last left the clinic together.

The following night became even worse for the blacksmith. Yet with Michaela talking some sense into the men of town and Sully using his tomahawk to cut the rope the Ku Klux Klan members wanted to use to hang Robert E., the nightmare was finally over.

………………………………………………………………………

Ordinary life took over again after Bancroft and his men vanished as if they'd never been to town. Sully still waited for a couple of days to make sure everything was back to normal before he left too, wanting to check on his traps.

Once out in the woods he savored the solitude, allowing himself to lose track of time with only Wolf as his companion. He hadn't been aware of how much he had missed this until now that he had it back. It felt good to just sit and wait to see if the fish would take his bait, having nothing to worry about but if the weather would hold. And even if it didn't, he could make himself a lean-to anytime.

Yet sitting on the bank of the creek he remembered the conversation he once had with Michaela about worms, and cutting branches for his makeshift sleeping place he recollected the night when he had done the same to protect Dr. Mike from the rain…

In the end he didn't mind that he was done with looking after his traps, joining the family again. The only excitement he'd missed in town was the arrival of the new schoolteacher. However, resting within himself after feeling oneness with Mother Earth once again, Sully considered this as not such a big deal yet since Dr. Mike did, he was interested in hearing this news as well.

As it turned out, Miss Chambers, who had been recommended by the reverend, educated her pupils by beating them every time when she thought it was necessary. Of course Sully didn't approve but since he never participated in the discussions of the town meetings, he stayed silent this time as well. Yet he encouraged the reverend to take sides because people listened to him. Of course it went without saying that he was there for Dr. Mike and the children, especially after Brian was hurt. He even attended the service at church with them, wearing a suit because he knew Michaela liked that, so as to listen to the reverend's advising his parish to treat all children well.

Anyway, there was no use in denying one fact: as much as he tried, Sully couldn't see the spark in Dr. Mike's eyes he yearned for. The one light that told him she was in love with him as much he was in love with her. They were back to talking with each other as they used to and he could tell that she appreciated his being around. But her beautiful eyes didn't shine when she looked at him.

He wouldn't give up, but for now he decided to give her more room and take care of himself again. He missed spending time with his Cheyenne family…


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The townsfolk had long forgotten about Catherine when the aftermath of her presence still affected the relationship between their doctor and the mountain man. Not that anyone noticed.

While Michaela had settled in them being friends again, Sully still wanted more. His patience was faltering though. Usually he found her stubbornness appealing but not this time. In his opinion she should have recognized by now that she could trust him; he had done everything in his power to make her see that.

However, his decision to join his Cheyenne family had proved itself being a good one. Talking with Cloud Dancing and roaming the woods made him find his center again. Dr. Mike was a part of his life and always would be; for now this was enough. At least it was that what he told himself. He would never force her to do anything she didn't want. The Indians still saw him as a member of their community and didn't question him in any way. It was nice to not feel judged for a change. He shared their joy of simple competitions as much as their secrets they kept from the white man like being host to a group of dog soldiers. Thus, bit by bit without even noticing it himself, Sully returned to his habits of staying away from town more often until he was back to his old rhythm. Since everyone, including the Cooper siblings, was used to it, things looked normal from the outside.

As far as Michaela was concerned, she felt a strange restlessness. Not wanting to explore the reason for it because she had a faint idea where it came from, she buried herself in work. Every room at the clinic was as clean as it could be, and all patient files were updated and sorted. When the army wagon train with the supplies for the Cheyenne came earlier than anticipated, she took the opportunity to do something useful and talked two soldiers into accompanying her to the Indian village so she could bring the food there right away. It turned out to be one of the greatest mistakes she'd ever made.

Of course she had known that dog soldiers took shelter in regular Indian villages but for some reason she hadn't expected them at Black Kettle's place. She was horrified watching the two army soldiers being killed before her eyes but even worse was that she wasn't able to read Cloud Dancing's reaction. He either agreed with what the renegades had done or was frightened to interfere with them. Both prospects utterly unnerved her; even the more when Sully asked her to forget the entire incident.

Michaela had always made a strict distinction between the Cheyenne in the village and the dog soldiers. What was she to think now?

However, she first complied with Sully and the medicine man's wish and didn't tell anybody about what she'd seen. When asked by Custer of his men's whereabouts, she replied in a way so that she didn't have to lie but neither told the entire truth. Yet her conscience was put to a hard test at Grace's Café later when the wife of one of the dead soldiers desperately begged her for information. Watching how the woman was led away from her table by the sergeant, she made up her mind.

Looking at Sully who sat across from her she informed him, "When they will ask me again about what happened, I won't lie."

Having feared that all the time, Sully grew agitated and tried to make her see the consequences. "Do you know what that'll do?"

But Michaela felt incredibly guilty because if she hadn't persuaded Mrs. Cottle's husband to go with her in order to deliver the supplies, he wouldn't have been killed. Knowing she had to take responsibility she contradicted Sully, "But those men had families. They…"  
Sully cut her off, impatience audible in his tone now, "Those men are soldiers! There's a war goin' on here. Any fool can see that."

Yet Michaela's mind was set, "They ask me again – I'm not lying."

Knowing that it would be useless to discuss further, Sully exhaled exasperatedly. Rising to his feet, he reached for his tomahawk next to his plate in a way that showed his frustration. He went away without looking at her again. At this moment he didn't feel any connection between him and the doctor and thought her stubbornness not endearing at all. Apart from that, he needed to warn Cloud Dancing that Custer might know about the shooting very soon.

When Sully didn't show up for the next few days, Michaela didn't know what to think of it. The continual Indian attacks so close to town worried her and she wondered whether Black Kettle's village was still at the same place. Maybe Sully had left with the tribe…

Of course she didn't desire for innocent people to get hurt, no matter if they were Indians or whites. But for that, the dog soldiers had to be stopped. She knew though that it wouldn't be done by simply chasing them because the reason for their existing wouldn't vanish this way. Having experienced first-handed how the Indians' hopes had been dashed more than once, she was aware that her own government's politics were the reason for the miserable situation at the reservations. That was why she still hesitated to give her knowledge about what had happened to the two soldiers away.

However, when Custer came back to ask her again she didn't have much of a choice but report what she had seen. After all, not many people around would miss a stethoscope. Since the captive dog soldier not only rode a stolen army horse but wore her medical instrument as a trophy, it was obvious that she had been a witness.

Sully, who had appeared behind her out of the blue couldn't stop her once Custer asked her directly for what had happened. Although she emphasized that it had been dog soldiers that had done the killing, the general announced that he and his men would go back to the Cheyenne village as soon as the reinforcement arrived.

Knowing she was responsible for this development, Michaela insisted on going with Sully in order to inform Cloud Dancing. She was in shock for what her going out to the reservation one day early had put into motion. Sully's openly displayed and the medicine man's silent reproaching her for telling Custer about the incident made her feel even more miserable and guilty.

But she had yet to experience the worst. Not only did Cloud Dancing's son leave his family to join the dog soldiers as a result of her acting, but with the renegades on the loose more innocent people were killed. It all culminated in a nightly attack against the town with several buildings being in danger of burning down. Fortunately Sully was back to prevent the clinic from being destroyed. After he had put out the fire on the second story porch, he looked down at Dr. Mike. Although he was still angry with her for betraying his Cheyenne family, her terrified expression softened him somewhat.

……………………………………………………….

Since Cloud Dancing had thought it better when he left the tribe, Sully was back in town the next morning. He wanted to do as much as he could in order to avoid things getting more out of hand than they already were. He wasn't sure whether the people in town would listen to him, but at least he could try and so he did.

To his astonishment, he saw Michaela prepare the wagon which could only mean she wanted to leave town. Matthew was by her side, and it gave him a little pang that she rather relied on her older son than asked him for his help. Thinking about it, he couldn't blame her though. He hadn't held back from showing his disapproval of her latest actions and never tried to see her point of view. In addition, he wasn't exactly available for her lately.

However, he didn't want her to leave town yet as he'd anticipated, she didn't listen to him. Knowing that a patient waited for her was all she needed to forget questions about her own safety.

Without a moment's hesitation Sully jumped onto the wagon taking Matthew's seat whilst exchanging a knowing glance with the oldest Cooper kid. Sometimes you had to just give in to her.

They didn't talk on their way yet there wasn't any tension between them. Thus Sully allowed himself to relax a bit. Bending his neck he tilted his face so the sunbeams could warm it. For a minute a sense of peace washed over him yet suddenly something disturbed the silence. Straightening on his seat, he looked around searching for the cause of the still faint noise. And then he saw the first dog soldier appear on the crest of the hill, followed by some more Indians.

Having noticed them as well, Michaela had pulled the horse to halt. There was no discussion now, knowing that he was the better driver she willingly gave him the reins so they could reach Mrs. Caraway's cabin sooner.

It was obvious that the war party wasn't here by chance. They had waited for the right opportunity to make their move so they could get to her. Michaela was convinced of that. And she also knew what that meant. She didn't take the time to think about the fact that her patient wasn't in the small cabin, but as soon as Sully shut the door behind them in order to keep the Indians away, Michaela pleaded with him, "Sully, you've got to go."

"No!" How could she think he would even consider that? He closed the distance between them, facing her now. He had watched the dog soldiers through the gap between two boards of the door, hoping to be able to guess their plan. Were they here to kill or to make a captive? He couldn't tell yet but it was out of the question that he would stay.

Yet Michaela, knowing that the Indians were after her since she had told Cloud Dancing that it had been her who revealed the truth to Custer, refused to allow Sully to get hurt because he wanted to protect her. They gazed at each other, both grasping the other one's upper arms when she tried again with her voice growing unsteady, "You can get away; you know you can."

"I won't leave you," he yelled at her with his heart thumping wildly against his ribs, sensing he would lose her any moment, either one way or another.

When they heard steps on the roof, they both glanced at the ceiling seeing that it too consisted of only simple boards with wide gaps between them. Realizing that this would never be enough to shield them from the bunch of bloodthirsty renegades, Michaela felt her knees weaken. As mortal fear squeezed her heart, making it hard to breath, she still managed to give him an imploring look, her voice barely a whisper now, "Go!"

Yet it was too late; the door flew open. One Indian instantly swung his knife against Sully whilst two others grabbed Michaela, dragging her out of the room despite her resisting the best she could. She didn't have a chance.

Knowing this was a matter of life and death, Sully fought back mercilessly. Although he concentrated on his attacker, he wasn't able to blend out Michaela's horrified gasps and desperate cries, "No… no… no!"

As he had finally knocked out his assailant, he jumped to the entrance but he couldn't leave the cabin because the dog soldiers instantly fired at him. Yet peering out into the dust the many hooves had whirled up, he spotted her perched on a horse in front of the leader of the group – the one who had threatened her with his knife a few days ago. The brief relief about the fact that they hadn't killed her yet, which meant they wanted her to be their captive rather than dead, was instantly replaced by new horror upon this realization.

Sully knew that it was useless to follow the dog soldiers right away but he sent Wolf in his place, knowing his faithful companion would lead him to them later. As he helplessly watched how Michaela was taken away from him, his mind went blank. He was reduced to the soul that cried out for its mate and when he screamed after her, he didn't even notice that he yelled his first words in Cheyenne. But they came from his innermost being as her name did, too. For the first time it burst over his lips, and he put all his power in his voice, wanting her to hear him when he continued shouting, "See you!"

As they rounded the corner, vanishing from his sight behind some trees he took several deep breaths, mustering all his might so he could scream again, "Michaela, I… I'll find you!"

Then she was gone and he fell on his knees, desperate for he knew what things might happen to her, and his soul was stripped naked. Unprotected, it was exposed to the unbearable possibility of losing her for good.

………………………………………………………………


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

When life in the Indian village grew quieter, Michaela carefully lowered herself onto the ground, avoiding quick moves. It wasn't only because all her body ached but she knew that one moan, one eye contact was enough to attract One Eye's attention to her again. At the moment he had given up to force himself on her, but she couldn't be sure that he would continue to listen to Cloud Dancing's son.

For Michaela, Walks On Clouds' remark that she was only useful for the group when she stayed alive had rekindled a tiny glimmer of the hope she had already lost. The way they had treated her so far had shown nothing but contempt towards her, making her fear the worst. It was as if she was a bag they had initially wanted at all costs but now didn't know if they would keep it or rather throw away.

They had neither offered her something to eat or drink apart from the small sip Walks On Clouds had allowed her to take. No one had bothered to give her a blanket for the night. Her wrists were still tied together and the only comfort on the uneven soil were her hands she had tucked under her cheek. It was the one that wasn't swollen and scratched. Yet.

However, her not being able to protect herself from the crisp night air was the smallest of her concerns. Now that she had time to think she felt the signs of a late shock setting in. As her body began to shudder violently, she curled up on her side and closed her eyes, willing herself to relax. Since she wouldn't get anything that would help her to warm, this was the only thing she could do. Needing distraction from the situation she was in, she directed her thoughts to the children. Worrying about how they took her abduction didn't do her any good though. She knew they would fear losing her as suddenly as they had lost their real mother. Pressing herself against the ground harder to rather feel physical pain than this emotional terror she silently promised to make it back to them. She couldn't have them endure another loss. She had no idea yet how to manage it but she had to stay alive no matter what the Indians would do to her. With that she was back at her own dread though. Her mind desperately sought for a solution but she knew she would never succeed on her own. She needed help and the only one who could offer it was Sully.

Sully. Now that she had allowed herself to think his name her heart started to flutter inside of her chest. Unintentionally, a small sound escaped her lips, and startled, she lay perfectly still for several moments. When she continued hearing nothing but the loud thumping of her pulse, she began taking deeper breaths again.

She had seen him on Mrs. Caraway's threshold when she had dared look back as One Eye rode away with her, and she even thought she had heard him calling her name. She wasn't sure about this though; maybe this was rather wishful thinking…

As Morpheus finally had pity and eventually pulled Michaela into his arms, Sully was still staring up at the night sky. He had gone back to the small cabin and followed the dog soldiers' track as long as there was enough light to discern their traces. All he could do now was hope that he wasn't too far behind them. Every time his lids drooped he was haunted by the terror he had seen in Michaela's eyes, and he knew that she had every reason to be frightened. Yet there was something else he couldn't forget – the way Colleen had looked at him when he'd told the kids that Dr. Mike had been kidnapped. It was the mix of fear and reproach that heightened his feeling of anguish and guilt and kept him awake. He didn't know yet that things would get worse.

In the morning he was full of hope though. He had risen with dawn and easily found the tracks of the dog soldiers again. They were still quite fresh and when Wolf joined him shortly after he'd resumed his search, Sully knew that he was close.

He found the renegades indeed yet only to be more devastated afterwards. Hearing Michaela screaming his name with all her might but not being able to see her already sent him over the edge yet the news about his Cheyenne family topped that. As far as he knew Custer, the general's word couldn't be trusted which meant that Michaela's life was even in greater danger now. From the moment he realized this, he simply functioned.

First he raced back to town in order to mediate between the army and the Indians yet his attempt came to nothing. In the contrary, Custer turned the tables on him. Now he had to carry the burden of being responsible to save not only Dr. Mike's life but the lives of about fifty Cheyenne as well. Sully didn't dare imagine the consequences if he failed. However, there was no use dwelling on such thoughts for they wouldn't help him find the one person in this world whose death would finish his life, too. That was why he didn't lose time but hurried back to the place where he had last seen Dr. Mike so as to pick up the trail again.

……………………………………………………….

Exhausted beyond all measures Michaela was glad when they at last reached a small Indian village as dusk approached. When they shoved her to a fireplace, gesturing for her to sit down and stay there, she knew that they would spend the night in this camp. Relief flooded her for a moment; she needed this break. Although she was used to working long hours, nothing had prepared her for a day like the one that lay behind her. The dog soldiers had dragged her along like an unwanted toy they needed to keep with them for some reason. They made her ride and walk and climb for hours on end without ever untying her wrists. Thus she fell quite often; she had long given up on paying attention to any new bruises and scratches.

However, no matter how terrible and low she felt, her determination to survive this ordeal never wavered. Not only did other lives depend on her in the true sense of the word but there was another reason that kept her going: Sully was still looking for her. She had hoped so from the moment she heard that the Indians would trade her for the Cheyenne who were held captive, and when she saw Wolf down by the creek this morning she was sure Sully hadn't given up yet.

It was this knowledge that gave her the courage to fight One Eye when he pulled her to her feet from her place next to the fire, touching her in a way that made his intentions clear. Her sudden boost of power was instantly gone though when the Indian bashed her across the face, sending her roughly to the ground.

And again it was Walks On Clouds who saved her. He didn't do it out of pity for her though, he did it for his family that needed the doctor to return to Colorado Springs. After he'd dragged her into a teepee he urged her to flee. Michaela wasn't able to move for a moment when she heard his reason: One Eye wanted to kill her.

Thus she ran; not only for her own life but for those of her Cheyenne friends as well. She didn't get far though. Hearing a shot she knew that Cloud Dancing's son had paid with his life for helping her, and that her escape was detected. Her pulse, already racing, sped up even more as she desperately looked for a place to hide. Seeing a hollow log she climbed into it, pulling some dry branches over her for cover. She heard the renegates calling at each other, saw them pass her hiding place. Only when no one found her for the longest time did she finally dare to move. She could already feel a sense of freedom when her hopes were brutally dashed as she suddenly found herself across from One Eye. She didn't have time to be frightened for he instantly strangled her with his large hands. The last thought she had before he smashed her against the next tree was that she had let everyone down. The blackness that was engulfing her was very welcome, shielding her from the pain both, her body and soul were in.

……………………………..

Another morning and he still hadn't found her. Wolf had led him to a spot at the creek last night where a dead Indian lay propped against a stone. Sully was concerned first, thinking Wolf had led him on the wrong track yet seeing the white cloth on the dog soldier's wound he knew that Michaela had been there. New hope spurred him on yet he lost the trail shortly before nightfall. His furry friend couldn't help either and thus Sully assumed the group had crossed the creek. It was already too dark to go on though, and so he could do nothing but wait for sun up.

This night was worse than the one before. Sully lay on his back, his hands under his head. Gazing at the starry sky, he wasn't able to stop thinking about what the Indians might do to Michaela. He knew they wouldn't be able to break her will, but what about her body? The renegades were men that were used to get what they wanted from a woman, and Michaela looking different with her white skin, soft auburn hair and delicate figure must be especially attractive to them. And she was so afraid of being touched…

Groaning, he turned on his side, hoping sleep would come soon and blacken the pictures that rose before his inner eye. He needed to be strong. He would find her.

As soon as there was enough light in the morning, Sully was on his way again. After crossing the creek and climbing up the bank he recognized the surroundings. Once he had been here with Cloud Dancing who had told him about a small Cheyenne village only a few miles north. Sully hadn't even finished that thought when he was already running. Trees and bushes seemed to back away from the invisible path he was following; bumps on the ground didn't exist. Never slowing down, his feet barely touched the soil and grass. If someone had watched him he would have sworn that the mountain man was flying.

And then he was there. Wolf instantly started sniffing around between the few teepees and whilst catching his breath, Sully looked around for any sign of Michaela.

Yet his gaze only fell on Indians. Indians who had turned into stony-faced statues the moment he had entered their village. Desperately, Sully tried to read their expressions but it was in vain. However, he couldn't give up. He needed them to tell him what they knew.

"Help me," he implored in Cheyenne and English. Gaining no reaction he repeated his plea several times, stepping from group to group, crouching down next to the women by the fires, touching arms as to make them look at him, searching for one friendly face. Yet he only found rebuff and fear in the dark eyes.

Rising to his feet again, desperation threatened to overwhelm him. Gesturing he explained them in both languages who Michaela was; what she was for him. Still no reaction.

"She's my heart song," he eventually said with his voice cracking, placing his fist above his heart. "Help me."

One of the elder women finally did. And she gave him Walks on Clouds' necklace. Sully knew what that meant.

………………………………………………………

Although the Indian grandmother had given him the direction, Sully didn't find the dog soldiers. There was no trace of them on the rocky path. At one point he even had to leave Wolf behind because climbing up the steep boulders would be too much for the animal.

Sunset was already near when Sully reached a small even area high above the creek. Close to despair, he slowly looked around. He had no clue where to go next and thus he decided to ask the Spirits for guidance. Allowing his eyelids to droop he raised his head and lifted his straightened arms with outstretched palms a tiny bit, trying to find his center.

As he at last went down on his knees he was fully concentrated and his pulse slowed down, growing stronger in the process. It was as if his heart turned into a drumstick, using his ribcage as the sound box sending his message to Michaela: _I'm here. Where are you? Give me a sign! _

Michaela wasn't as far away as Sully feared; only a bit more than a mile separated them. The dog soldiers were taking a break, drinking water and eating. They had been on their way all day, and Michaela was just thankful that she could sit. Her head was still throbbing with pain from the blow last night but she didn't pay attention to her physical discomfort. Although her body was working hard alternating between climbing and riding, her mind wasn't occupied as it usually was. No plans to make, no patients to think about, nothing to read and no one to talk to but loads of unwanted questions. Would she be able to fight One Eye tonight again? Would she be still alive in the morning? What would the children do without her? Every time she asked herself the latter she interrupted this train of thought. Sully would say there was no sense in thinking about things no one could know yet if they would ever happen. That was why she rather directed her thoughts to him, trying to picture his face, finding comfort in imagining hearing his voice… If she would ever be lucky enough to see him again she would stop pushing him away. She wanted him by her side and wanted to be at his. There was no use in denying this any longer. She only hoped it wasn't too late.

Close to collapsing, Michaela sat on a rock with her head hanging down and her shoulders slumped, yet from one minute to the other she grew more alert. Did she hear Sully's voice? Straightening, she listened more carefully. She could swear that it was him, telling her that he was there.

A sudden, wild and desperate hope filled her being, making any coherent thought impossible. As an Indian approached her, offering water, Michaela only briefly hesitated before she took her chance. Pushing the dog soldier away with her still bound hands, she awkwardly but quickly rose and run away, screaming the one name that meant everything to her, "Sully!"

Of course she didn't get far, her captors instantly threw her onto the ground. For some reason they didn't kill her right then and there. Later she almost wished they had when every new step made her cry out in pain. They had stripped her of her shoes.

Sully's eyes flew open as he heard the anxious calls by a flock of birds in the distance. Without any doubt he knew that it was there where he had to go. Easily picking up the right direction he didn't waste one second but immediately resumed his search. It didn't take him long till he found them.

Ducking behind a boulder, he watched the dog soldiers following one after another a small path beneath his position. He heard Michaela before he spotted her. Every single sound she gave away was like the blade of a knife plunging into his heart, making him endure the same pain she felt. He wondered what they were doing to her, and when she finally came into his sight, he understood: an Indian dragged her mercilessly along the narrow stony way on her bare feet. When she fell, the man simply pulled on the rope that he held in his hand and was connected with the ties which bound her wrists together.

If he hadn't been aware of it being deathly carelessness to act now, he would have challenged the dog soldiers to give Michaela free right away. Yet he knew he had to wait until darkness was on his side. It cost him every ounce of his willpower to stay back; but he did. He had found her, and he wouldn't leave her again.

...

_Morpheus is the Greek God of dreams (son of Hypnos, God of sleep)._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

After the dog soldiers had set up camp for the night, Michaela was sincere that it was only a question of time until One Eye would make his next move towards her. For now she was still left alone though. Sitting by a fire, she was on her guard against any attack, only now and then moving her hands so as to ease the numbness in her fingers that was setting in. It was at one of these moments that she heard a familiar sound.

Straightening her back, she looked around cautiously. Had anyone noticed as well? Yet the commotion among the Indians simply went on, and thus she stretched her neck, listening carefully again. And there came the birdcall a second time.

Sully was here.

She wanted to cry in relief but there was no time to allow any emotion to surface. Michaela knew that Sully needed her to get away from the group for he, of course, couldn't fight all of them. There was only one solution that came to her mind and she didn't hesitate to put it into action.

Rising to her feet she made her voice loud enough to be heard, telling the men in Cheyenne that she needed to see the bathroom. The fleeting hope they would allow her to find her way to the creek on her own was quickly dashed, yet it was at least only one Indian that accompanied her: One Eye.

Once down on the bank, Michaela hesitated. There was no sign of Sully's presence and the Indian seemed to misinterpret her wish to go to the water as her attempt to be alone with him. What if the birdcall had actually simply been the call of a night bird? What if she'd only imagined it was Sully who'd created it? She had also thought she had heard him this afternoon and where had this led her?

Her heart started to race with fear as One Eye, who sensed her growing anxiety, closed in on her, reaching for her belt in order to remove her skirt. Although she was frightened to death she still resisted, screaming "No!" at him and tried to wriggle out of his hands as he clutched her head between them, trying to kiss her. She actually managed to push him away but when he raised his arm so as to slap her, she knew she might have made a mortal mistake.

Yet before the dog soldier could finish his move, he was knocked onto the ground by a body that flew through the air like the one of an attacking mountain lion.

Sully had only waited for the right moment, knowing that surprising the Indian was the only way to keep the fight between the two of them. He had calculated right; the renegade was too proud to call for help. It didn't take Sully long to kick One Eye hard into the stomach, putting him to the sleep of unconsciousness.

Every of his next actions was effective too; first he cut open Michaela's rope and then he lifted her with a swift movement into his arms, carrying her down to the water. The next moment they were already swimming, as close to each other as only possible. Neither of them wanted to risk losing the other one again.

Later, Michaela would barely remember that night for it turned into a blur. They stayed in the cold water for a while, drifting downstream so as to not be detected right away. They had to put as much distance as possible between them and the dog soldiers and thus they continued moving once they climbed out of the creek.

Sully seemed to be familiar with the area but even if he weren't, Michaela would have followed him everywhere anyway. Her mind told her that it wasn't time yet to feel relief; after all, they were still running for their lives. Yet her subconscious felt differently. Although they both were soaked to the bones and she couldn't stop shivering, a warmth radiated from his hand when it held hers that shielded her from any physical pain. She didn't notice that she began to stumble and was eventually lifted by strong, protective arms that carried her.

Sully was angry with himself that he hadn't noticed her total exhaustion sooner. He had simply been too occupied with trying to get them as far away from the dog soldiers as possible, assuming the Indians wouldn't go after them during the night because their horses would hamper them. But they still had the advantage that they were a lot faster once they could ride in the morning… Apart from that, he knew they had to hurry back to town for he had no idea how long it took Custer to build the gallows for the Cheyenne. The general wouldn't hesitate to start the executions as soon as the construction was done if the doctor weren't back by then.

It was already close to dawn when Sully at last carried his precious burden up to a cave he remembered from earlier. Michaela woke enough to understand that he asked her to strip down the wet clothes. She complied without thinking before she sank onto the ground, using her hands as the pillow like she had done it the nights before.

Sully didn't sleep. First he spread out their clothes on the rocky ground, hoping the sun would be strong enough to dry them before they moved on. Next he cut some branches off a pine standing nearby, covering the ground of the cave with them. Then he carefully placed Michaela on top. She never woke up.

After making sure that there was no sign of the renegades anywhere close, Sully decided to look for some food. Michaela had been so light in his arms… He feared they hadn't given her anything to eat.

Before he left, he crouched down next to her, watching her face for some moments needing to assure himself that she was alright. Every scratch he saw, every bruise that told him they had hit her caused another painful contraction of his heart. No one deserved being treated this way, least of all her. Sully had long since forgotten that he had initially been angry with her, even blaming her for starting all the trouble between the Indians and the army. Yet when she told Custer what had happened at the reservation, she still tried to protect the village and even him. She had openly lied to the general, claiming she had been alone out there.

Being honest to himself, Sully admitted that in a way, she had actually been right about that. The day she brought the soldiers to the village he showed even less understanding for her than Cloud Dancing. His brother had seen that all that she had wanted was to bring the food to the Cheyenne earlier. He, on the other hand, had only seen the upcoming trouble for his family, fearing that she would not stay silent about what she had seen.

However, there was no use dwelling on that. He would make it up to her. Right now this meant he needed to find something for her to eat.

When Michaela woke with a start, she had no idea that she had slept almost all through the day as she had no clue where she was. Disoriented, she looked around. Had she dreamed that Sully rescued her?

"Sully?" she tentatively called, praying that he would answer.

"I'm here," Sully instantly reassured her, leaving his place on the edge of the cave where he had stood guard.

Never in her life had she heard something sweeter than the sound of these words spoken by him, and not wasting one thought on the fact that she only wore her camisole, she reached out for him.

With a few long strides, Sully was at her side, taking her hand in his. "We are safe," he soothed, recognizing the silent fear in her gesture.

As soon as he sat next to her, Michaela shifted and tentatively touched his face with her free hand so as if to see if he was real. Feeling the soft stubbles under her fingertips the relief she felt was overwhelming. She wanted so badly that he pulled her into his arms yet he only bent his head, pressing his lips against the back of her hand. "We are safe," he reiterated as he looked up again.

When his gaze flew over her face unsteadily, never meeting her eyes, and he neither moved nor spoke again, Michaela grew insecure. She was absolutely sure now that she loved this man, no matter what doubts she had had in the past. She had hoped that he still had feelings for her as well yet when he turned and took his hand out of hers, she resigned. She had pushed him away for too long, and he wasn't here because of any feelings. He was here because he would have rescued anyone who was in danger and because only she could save his Indian family. The disappointment upon this realization stung, making it difficult to breathe once again.

She barely registered his words when he explained, "I found some berries and a honeycomb for you when you were sleeping."

She looked with unseeing eyes down on the bark with the food he put into her hands and only reacted again when he added, "It's goin' to be dark soon. If we go then, we'll be in Colorado Springs some time tomorrow."

Of course she wanted to save the Cheyenne as well and felt like a complete failure when she had to destroy his plan, "I can't walk."

Yet to her astonishment, Sully simply shifted so he could put one of her feet on his lap. Matter-of-factly he simply replied, "Then I'll carry you."

As much as he wanted to hug her against his chest, caress her – he didn't dare to do so. The reason for that was simple: he was afraid to cause her more physical pain than she already endured.

As gently as possible, he began to clean her blood smeared foot with the edge of his shirt. Hearing her suck in the air through clenched teeth, he screwed up his face, sharing her pain.

There was still one question left he hadn't asked yet, dreading the terror he might see in her eyes when she answered it. However, he was determined to help her through everything and thus finally gathered the courage to pose it. After taking a few deep breaths he at last managed to get it out, "Did they hurt you?"

Momentarily stunned, Michaela stared at his back. He still cared! When he moved his head so as to hear her reply better she eased his mind, "No."

The relief he felt was indescribable and for the first time he dared lock eyes with her again. His face relaxed with an almost imperceptible smile as he asked, pointing with his gaze at the food in her hand, "Why don't you try and eat some?"

For a split moment Michaela had hoped that Sully's fear of her being raped had held him back from coming close to her. Yet now that he knew she was the same as three days before, he still didn't budge and her hope was dashed. Trying to blink the rising tears of despair away, she put her fingers into the sweet mass, finally trying the honey.

Sully's eyes never left her face, watching her savoring the taste with her eyes closed. His heart leaped with joy upon the realization that he had brought her something she liked. Yet when she looked at him again, the sadness in her gaze was his undoing. He had promised himself to wait until she was ready and came to him of her own accord, but now he couldn't wait any longer. He needed her to know how much he loved her, and there was only one way for him to show her. He shifted so he could cover her mouth with his. He had never kissed her with such a mix of tenderness and passion before.

Feeling the soft, warm skin of his lips on hers, Michaela didn't want the sensation to end, knowing now that he was as much hers as she was his. And when he eventually bent back, she told him what she wanted, "Hold me," she whispered and reiterated, already safely pulled into his embrace, "Hold me."

They stayed in each others arms for a long time, silently celebrating their reunion. Sully gently rocked her while she put tiny kisses on his chest and his neck until she tucked her head against the soft hollow under his shoulder. In the middle of the wilderness, sitting in a rocky cave, they were home.

From now on, they would stay together. No one and nothing would break their bond again, not even the dog soldiers who caught up with them the next morning. Neither their shooting could separate them nor One Eye's ambushing them for a life-and-death struggle with Sully. Sully was stronger.

Yet they were caught on a spot on the rocks where they had no escape, and the other dog soldiers would reach them any minute if not one of her bullets was even faster. Only jumping down into a pond that was far too far away could either save Michaela and Sully's lives or, what seemed to be more possible, end them.

They made this decision together. But before they challenged their fate, Sully wanted her to hear how he felt. They held each other on their upper arms, their eyes locked, maybe for the very last time. "I love you," he said, wanting her to recognize his being absolutely sincere about that.

"I love you!" she instantly replied, and it sounded like, "I love you even more."

They both saw their path clearly ahead now; they were back on course. That was why they were able to take the chance and jump into the unknown.

One last glance at each other and both ran towards the abyss, their fingers not linked though. They needed this freedom in order to gain enough power for the jump. Only this way they would be able to make it.


End file.
